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Hi,
I’m seeking some advice, whether from people who have been through the same or anyone who may just be able to offer any advice.
My child is 3, mother & I weren’t and aren’t together (we are amicable though) and they are 3-4 hours drive away (>175 miles)
Every other weekend I travel there Friday/Saturday and travel back Sunday.
A typical day is pick up in the morning, spend the day doing various trips/activities out and about, and drop off in the evening. Repeat next day
I stay in various paid accommodation, and don’t have him overnight, nor a base there to have any real downtime/chill time.
We have a great bond (I believe) but it still all feels very ‘child minder’, rather than very ‘dad’
The 2 weeks gaps are unbearable, if I was there more there’s no doubt I’d see him more, weekly.
School starts in the not-too-distant future, as will kids parties, possibly sports/music/other clubs etc on weekends.
I can’t see how it’s possible (for either of us) for him to come to stay with me fortnightly, but i can’t carry on this way forever.
Cutting to the chase;
I am seriously considering relocating to the area where they are.
Of course, my family/friends, social activities, job, entire life really, are all here. He isnt though
It would be a complete fresh start (however no reason I couldn’t do the journey in reverse once a month i guess), and very daunting, but it's fast becoming the only solution.
Has anyone done similar to be closer to their child, has it worked, has it been a disaster?
All thoughts and advice welcome.
Cheers
This may be posted in the wrong place - feel free to move to a better place.
Thanks
hi, I have not personally experienced this but have been helping dads that have child contact issues, with long distance travel to see kids, and they are struggling financially because of it. I would find it very difficult in these situations and I would aim to move closer to kids. can always find work. jobs come and go.
Hello,
My name is Jane and I work for the Spurgeons Parenting Support Team.
I hope you don't mind me jumping on board to offer advice.
I can appreciate that this is a very difficult situation for you to be in and can understand why you are thinking of relocating to be nearer your son.
You say that you and your son's mum are amicable and I just wondered if there is an opportunity for you to discuss with her whether:
A. If she drives, could she meet you halfway.
B. Could you have your son with you every other weekend.
I aware that you may well have discussed this but wondered if these 2 possible options were viable.
If you and your son's mother were able to meet halfway and that would be the handover point and you could have your son with you every other weekend. This would give you both quality time together and be less costly for you.
It's great that you are considering relocating so that you can see more of your son, but this a huge move for you and I wonder if the above ideas could make things easier for you.
It will also offer a consistent routine for your son, which is so important at this age.
I do hope that you can find a way forward and this has been helpful to you.
Best wishes
My case goes back 25 years, but when I split from the mother of my children, we lived in the same area, but after the divorce she suddenly decided to move back to where we had come from (even though she didn't actually have any family, and few friends there). I did the alternate weekend visits, drive up around 200 miles early on a Saturday and then drive back home in the evening. This lasted for about 2 years until I went back to court as she was neglecting them and I got custody. I never considered moving back up, partly because I had a new life where I was, and also, I suspect if I had moved back, she would probably have moved somewhere else. It was tiring, but I did get used to it, and it did make the time I had with my kids very special.
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