Hi all, I have recently been having lots of issues with my ex partner (of 9 years) demanding that I change the arrangement we have in regards as to when I see my daughter.
I have now agreed to her new terms and have asked her to not contact me again unless it is an emergency with my daughter. I have also stipulated that the new arrangements are now set in stone and I do not expect them to change for her suitability.
Do people think that I have been fair in this matter. She basically wanted to change them as on one occasion this Christmas my Daughters Nan (my ex's Mother) contacted me and asked if she could take my daughter out one Saturday (during my scheduled time with my daughter). On this ONE occasion I said no as I already had plans. I have always been extremely flexible if my ex wanted to change times during my time with my daughter and NEVER changed anything if it involved her time with our daughter.
Also, this weekend, my Daughter spent the night with my mother and the next day I checked her mobile phone (She is only 9 years old and this was given to her by her mother), I found lots and lots of texts between my daughter and my ex...some very late at night (22:15pm) as my daughter was saying she couldn't sleep, but they were also talking about me - nothing too bad but my ex is now basically involving my daughter in our problems.
I am at a loss at what to do. some people suggest discussing with my daughter or not letting her use the Mobile while she is with me.
Any suggestions on these problems would be gratefully received.
I think it only fair that parents work together in the best interests of their child. With children it's very difficult to set things in stone...as they get older their lifestyle changes as they become more independent and take on new activities that might encroach into your contact time.
That said the resident parent shouldn't seek to arrange things for the child during the non resident parents contact.
It must have been disturbing for you to read that they had been discussing you, and as you say your daughter shouldn't be involved in yours and your ex's problems...that's totally wrong!
I don't think this should be discussed with your daughter, I do however think its something that should definitely be addressed with your ex.
Children of 9 are very technologically savvy and many have their own mobiles, it's not unreasonable to put limits on their usage though, that reflects their age. Perhaps rather than take the mobile from her completely you could lay some ground rules such as not at the dinner table and not at bedtime.
The only word of caution I would add here is to be careful how you approach this - if your daughter realises you have been reading her text messages, it could cause a problem between the two of you. I agree totally with NJ that it's something that is between you and your ex, and shouldn't involve your daughter.
Totally agree with the other guys & girls in respect to not discussing this with your daughter. This could break one of the most important bonds with your daughter, trust.
Your ex is obviously that selfish that she involves your daughter like this. I'm sure if your daughter is worried about anything then she will ask you directly about it.
As for now, try to bide your time and not try not to make a big issue of this. Try to let it pass. Hopefully it will, keep being there for your daughter and just do all you can to keep being a good dad. Love, kindness and security from u will never push your daughter away.
Good luck fella,
Danny