Dad dot info form. Ask questions, get answers
Clear all

[Solved] Your thoughts on what mother told 4 year old

Honorable Member Registered

Your thoughts please on what the child conveyed to her Daddy regarding what her Mother had told her.

Four year old says to her Daddy, quote, "Mummy says you will grow old and die and never come back. When I get older and have children and grow old, I shall die and never come back."

The child resides with the Mother, the Father has regular contact as stipulated in the Court Order.

Addition:- This type of statement from the Mother indicates to me that there could be a number of emotional consequences for the child. I am interested to know if others are of the same opinion as I am.

Topic starter Posted : 05/11/2016 1:22 am
Estimable Member Registered


Although at that sort of age children may become curious about death etc - I think that's a bizarre explanation that would fill a child with fear.

I could come up with a much more softer approach to the subject

Posted : 05/11/2016 2:12 am
Illustrious Member Registered

i think it could have been said a little more gently, but it is truthful and all children will instigate discussions about dying. My five year old grandson expressed concern that he didn't want mummy to die because he loved her and wanted to cuddle her everyday. We told him that that wasn't going to happen for a very long time and not until she is very old, by which time he would be all grown up with children of his own, that there was lots and lots of time to have millions of cuddles before then and not to worry. I do think we have to be honest about it, but also give plenty of reassurance at the same time.

However, he also talks about "the last time" he was here, that he was a pilot and he went up and came back down again as a baby! So perhaps it's not a matter of dying and never coming back after all.

Posted : 06/11/2016 3:50 pm
Trusted Member Registered

This can be a difficult one. I have always believed in answering my daughter's questions honestly, but age appropriate. We are not religious but when she was this age she did believe in Jesus and so these sort of questions were also tempered with respect for what she was learning and believed. I also know that children will often focus on the parts we least expect.

While I do agree that some effort should be made not to distress young children over such subjects being a parent does not automatically give us all the right answers. As I recall I used the question to talk about a number of different beliefs around what happens, including my own which is the same as the mum being discussed.

Regarding the long term emotional effects on the child, children are often much tougher than we give them credit for. I would be far more concerned how it is handled subsequently if it does cause distress than the initial response. Sadly as a society this seems to be a taboo subject for children unless it raised by them and too often quickly dismissed, or they experience someone dying.

Posted : 02/01/2017 1:31 pm

Pin It on Pinterest