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[Solved] Advice for partner with an unreasonable ex

New Member Registered

Hi, I am looking for some advice with regards to our situation please.

My partner has a young daughter with an ex. They split over 3 years ago and I have been with him for 2 years. I also have a child from a previous relationship. When I met my partner he had very limited access to see his daughter, only seeing her now and then when the ex decided he could. Things have improved since then and now she comes to stay with us every other weekend. The problem we're having is that the ex is very demanding on conditions she seems to think are needed. She demands an itinerary on our movements, menus for what the daughter will be eating, my partner gets frequent texts throughout her stay asking if she's been to the toilet, had enough drinks, and even demands photos of her asleep as proof she is in bed and not up til all hours.
We have had a year of this and it's all becoming too much for us both. My partner looks forward to his time with his daughter but is ruined by the constant texts and phone calls to check up on her. I am a mother myself and I really find it quite insulting that she treats us like children ourselves as if we don't know what we're doing. My partner has tried to reason with her and ask that she not text quite so much as he is capable of looking after his own daughter (before they split he was a stay at home dad while she worked so he does know what he's doing), but she just threatened to stop her staying over any more.
What can we do about this if she will not back off a bit and let my partner enjoy his time with his daughter without the constant check-in texts? The ex is too unreasonable and, quite frankly, obnoxious to be reasoned with without her threatening any sort of contact withdrawal unless we do as she says.
My partner is getting really quite depressed and upset by the whole situation!

Topic starter Posted : 29/01/2018 4:04 am
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there

What an awful situation! This isn't right and he shouldn't have to put up with this level of interference during his time with his child, I can understand why you both feel under attack. Food menus... really?!

From the sound of it there's little chance of reasoning with her, but unfortunately that is the first step before court action can be taken.

Your partner would need to talk to a mediator about the issues and leave it to the mediator to arrange a meeting with the mother. If she refuses, or mediation fails, the mediator will sign off the C100 form to enable your partner to apply for a Child Arrangements Order, within this he can get the order to make conditions about the level of contact with the mother during contact visits. It could be a daily text or call just to say goodnight for instance.

During the court process your partner would be given the opportunity to prepare a statement and he could attach screenshots or copies of texts and messages to illustrate the level of interference involved.

Some members choose to use a solicitor for the process, but this can prove very expensive, costing thousands. Others go it alone without a solicitor, whilst others do most of it themselves and use a direct access barrister for the final hearing.

There's lots of info about the process at the top of the legal eagle section. A word of warning, once the process is started, it's quite common for the mother to stop all contact, your partner needs to consider this, but it shouldn't prevent him from making the application if mediation is a non starter.

All the best

Posted : 30/01/2018 1:41 pm
Famed Member Registered

Hi There,
I used to have a similar issue, by ex would want to know where we would be going who we would see and what my son would be eating, it got silly.
I went through mediation and then on to court the judge backed me throughout and I did get the restrictions removed, it did take a long time and a lot of visits to court, but I did get there in the end.

Posted : 01/02/2018 2:08 am

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