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[Solved] Ex told school to use new boyf surname

New Member Registered

I’m new to the forum and I’m really interested to get peoples advice. Last September my daughter started primary school and I asked to attend her 1st day which her mother asked me not to as she wasn’t going and on a Monday the grandmother would take her. We agreed going forward we would be involved in her education together. Long story short by December she had also stopped me from going to her 1st nativity and not telling me about her parents evening. I have now discovered that she has given her daughter her partners surname at school - I have approached school but they continue to use the new boyfriends surname. What would you advise? Thanks in advance

Topic starter Posted : 21/07/2020 4:11 pm
Prominent Member Registered

As long as you have no safeguarding issues against you raised by your ex and you are not being investigated for anything then I would suggest that in the first instance you arrange a meeting with the school. Explain you have parental responsibility and want to be fully involved in your daughters education. The school will have processes to engage with you separately to your ex. At this meeting also ask whether the school has used a different surname for your daughter based on a court order? If no confirmation advise them that you have not consented to this in line with your PR and provide a copy of the birth certificate requesting that they use your daughters correct name.

Failing this you will need to apply to court for a prohibitive steps order (I believe) requesting that your ex uses the correct name for your daughter.



Posted : 21/07/2020 4:25 pm
Reputable Member Registered

If you don't mind me asking, but is there any sort of restraining order or non-molestation order in place? there is absolutely no need for the school to refuse you to a nativity play or parents evening.

My kids school have been great with me, they even phone me and offer me a slot for parents evenings, they send me copies of their school reports and I have had no issues going to her Xmas play and also work exhibitions? I know my ex won't like seeing me there, but I dont care about that, I want to see my childrens plays and also how they are performing.

With regards to the name change, I am assuming this is not official? I believe they have to get your consent to change it permanently. If they were to get a passport, it would have to be the name on the brith certificate, not what the school go by.

Posted : 21/07/2020 4:34 pm
New Member Registered

No absolutely no restraining order or molestation order, I work in a very professional sector and have a clean record, never been in any trouble etc.
In her first term we agreed that we would communicate with each other and then after not being told about parents evening and they wouldn’t release the date of her nativity to me. After that I got in touch With school to ask for all comms to to come to me but I don’t get anything still and I keep raising it and have given evidence of parental responsibility.
I also addressed her name with them explaining I didn’t give consent for the new surname and they’ve still not amended it or taken action. We have a FHDRA coming up soon so I’m going to mention it then

Topic starter Posted : 21/07/2020 7:50 pm
Reputable Member Registered

That is really odd? The school should not be being so unreasonable, I am baffled. Check the school website for dates of plays etc. and just turn up. They cannot legally tell you to leave.

Take a look at that? I don't know if you can say you will speak to Ofsted about it, you have PR so they cannot deny you this. I hope your ex has not told them lies about you. But I would make a bit more fuss about this to the school as you have every right. They even need both parents permission to attend school trips.

Posted : 21/07/2020 8:14 pm
Active Member Registered

If you get a child arrangement order it says on there the child should not be known as any other name. We had the same issue and we wrote in position statement and spoke about in court and the judge was not impressed by the school.

Posted : 13/08/2020 3:18 am
Dart2020 and Dart2020 reacted
Illustrious Member

Not impressed is an understatement - it's contempt of court, so worth pointing that out to the school.

Posted : 14/08/2020 2:48 pm
New Member Registered

I can't say much for the naming issues however I found out the nativity date and other things like sports days when my ex stopped me seeing my Son for a year and just rocked up.

There was no court order in place or any legitimate reason for her to stop me seeing him so crack on mate but you also need to actually confirm the dates with the school instead of sitting and waiting for it to fall into your lap.

Posted : 14/08/2020 5:17 pm

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