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[Solved] How would you respond to something like this?

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Unlike a lot of parents, we don't teach sharing as some sacred value. We taught our son that he should only share his toys with people that he actually wants to share them with, that he trusts to take good care of his things and give them back when he wants them, and when it comes to public things like taking turns on the swing, he should give someone else a turn when he feels like he's done or at the end of the time limit, if there's a time-limit. Our logic is that, while we know of very few adults who go out of their way to cause anguish to others (and those that do, have mental problems that rules won't change) but we know way too many adults who have a problem with saying no to others, and wind up prioritising the enjoyment of other people before themselves.

Anyway, my son brings some of his toys to school and plays with them during recess and lunch. His teacher called us yesterday and complained that he made another boy cry because he wouldn't share his truck, and my response was "if he said something cruel to the child we'll talk to him, but if the kid was just upset because my son didn't want him using his thing, I'm sorry." She then asked me to not send his trucks with him to school, I asked her if this was a new rule for everyone or if the other kids will still be allowed to bring their toys, she told me that other kids will still be allowed to bring their toys but since my son doesn't share, he can't. This got me angry, because I don't think that my son should be punished for not wanting to let other people use his stuff.

Essentially, the teacher told me that I'm teaching my child bad morals and she then presumed to tell me what I should teach my kid instead. Personally I think that this is out of line, and that she has no place to tell my wife and I how to raise our child. I had to hang up because this is the sort of thing that will get me yelling, and I didn't want to curse out my son's teacher.

Topic starter Posted : 29/10/2020 11:58 am
Reputable Member Registered

I personally encourage my kids to share, I think it's a nice thing to do and encourages them to be nice to others. My two share their toys with each other, they have many to play with. It makes me proud when i see my eldest share her scooter with other kids at the park and she also recognises when other kids want to play on the swing etc and she offers it to them.

I think encouraging children not to share may make them come across as selfish and other kids might not want to play with them. But thats just my personal thoughts.

Posted : 29/10/2020 3:49 pm
Illustrious Member

I agree with Ferfer above. Obviously it is your choice as to how you teach your children, but from the point of the school, they have to manage 20 to 30 other children potentially, so they have to have processes that make day to day run smoothly. They only have two options really, and that would be either to remove the source of the conflict, which is what they are suggesting, or to have your son play separately to all of the other children, which is something that isn't going to help anyone.

I would suggest that you have a meeting with them to sort out what is the most acceptable solution all round.

Posted : 29/10/2020 4:39 pm
Illustrious Member

i would not like my kids to take their toys to school because they would either get lost or trashed. I encourage kids to share toys or food etc. some kids can be stubborn and don't like to share. I think boundaries need to be set from an early age. other day one of my kids only wanted to buy a single chocolate bar, so she doesn't have to share it with anyone lol. I said no, your getting a bigger pack and your sharing 🙂 breaking up fights between kids is a pain. must be dreadful for teachers in big classes. I think it's better if you don't take toys into school, which will cause more fights between kids.

Posted : 29/10/2020 5:24 pm

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