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[Solved] Newbie looking for advice/help

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I’m pretty new to this forum haven’t tried this medium before so thought why not, here a brief of where I am at the moment....

I’ve Been separated for over 2 years and officially divorced for over 6 months. I’ve been in and out of court during this period representing myself with a help of a McKenzie friend. I have 2 daughters (8 & 13) and 1 son (5 who is diagnosed with autism) unfortunately at the final hearing, the judge ruled I have no contact with my girls including indirect contact, but I do have contact with my son, overnight stay every other weekend (sat-sun) and 3 hours on Saturday that I don’t have him overnight.

Over the last month or so my son has been telling me to buy him “things” ranging from fish tanks to toys, which is normal I guess for children wanting, the annoying this is that he keeps telling me that “mum says” id be getting this and that for him, so she has raised his expectations of when he sees me. Lately it’s been a black guitar he wanted which I have been putting off. I have been paying CSA every month and not missed a payment since it all started.

We have a communication book that the court ordered us to use, and to be honest I’m the only one that actually writes in there unless my ex needs to answer a question I have for her! For the last few weeks I’ve written nothing and then decided that I need to tell her to back off telling my son I’d buy him things. So I did and asked a few questions about my son having constipation (really straining to have a poo, a few times) and if this was common for him. I also mentioned that I’ve made regular payments for CSA and if she needs anything for my son and she can’t get, then she should use the communication book and not go through our son to communicate and I would happily get it for him.

A week later when I have my contact I read the comments made in relation to the above, she denies telling my son “daddy will buy it you when you see him next”, no surprises there! But what did surprise me was she had gone to my son’s school and got the inclusion officer to write in this communication book on her behalf. Now this inclusion officer I’ve been communicating to with regards to everything to do with school and my son (also my youngest daughter who attends the same school) and to be honest she has been great!

The tone she’s used comes across as patronising, saying that all kids and even adults like sitting on the toilet and he doesn’t have any issues in school, she then goes on about food, and he has no problems eating his dinner at school (I’ve been struggling to vary my son’s food intake as he only wants Chips, Pizza and cheese sandwiches) I have discussed this in the past with the inclusion officer as I struggled to find out what my sons dietary habits are from my ex through the communication book. Any way this time I hadn’t written anything about feeding my son but for some reason this inclusion officer felt the need to write this? Again this is all signed by the inclusion officer and my ex had written in her own writing below the inclusion officers paragraph that she hasn’t been telling my son “daddys buying you..”

Yes you may laugh, and yes my ex can write and read English, she wasn’t born in England and maybe she’s playing on that a little but she has passed her British citizenship and has a British passport. So is quite obviously capable writing herself, now I have been told that this communication book can be used as evidence in court (no doubt I will be going back there to a- try again to have contact with my girls, & b- extend the contact with my son).

My questions are.....

Every time I’ve asked the inclusion officer for statements or confirmation of things my ex has told school in writing she has refused and has constantly refused to get involved with legal matters. But the inclusion officer can write in a communication book that is partly private between two separated parents and can be used in evidence in court, further throwing weight behind my ex’s argument that I struggle to look after my son?

I’ve drafted up a letter and need to ring up and arrange a meeting with the head, but was wondering what’s the legal standpoint for schools to get involved in this kind of stuff (writing on behalf of, in a communication book?). We do have a separate one for my sons class teacher to update as to how he’s getting on in school and what i can do to help him learn. This book has only been filled in once (the very first time it was used) and I’m wondering if this inclusion officer wanted to voice her thoughts then is should of been through the school communication book.

Sorry for the long read!! Any advice in what I can say to the head teacher and not sound as though I’m talking out my backside would be greatly appreciated!

Topic starter Posted : 24/01/2017 4:28 pm
Famed Member

I'm not sure of the legal standpoint on this but I would definitely pursue a meeting with the head and raise these issues. The communication book is supposed to be for you and the mother really. Any communication from school should in theory, be kept to home / school books or letters directly from the school.

If you are considering going back to court, please be aware that you will have to attempt mediation first as it is now mandatory to have attempted the process.

Posted : 24/01/2017 4:38 pm
New Member Registered

Thanks for the reply!

Yes i am aware of mediation before court, which is the route i went through the first time, mediation was a no response from my ex! i doubt her stance will change for a second time!

Topic starter Posted : 24/01/2017 4:50 pm

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