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[Solved] Expecting Again - advice for telling kids and ex

 
epo1984
(@epo1984)
New Member Registered

Hi, I'm looking for some advice

I'm a separated dad, and have since remarried. We've had the wonderful news that we are expecting again and due on Star Wars day next year. My inner nerd is over the moon.

I've been separated from my ex for four years, and have two children with her, aged 9 and 6. They stop with me every other weekend which is painful, but I'll take what I can get. I got married last year, and at the time I thought we were on good terms, but it brought out nastiness in her again. Suffice to say the kids didn't turn up to the wedding but my ex-wife saw fit to show them the pictures of the wedding on facebook before we had chance to talk to them about it. There were a lot of lies told about the wedding and a lot of hard work went into undoing those lies through talking to the boys.

The ex and I are on good(ish) terms again. I haven't told the boys yet that there will be a new addition, but I plan on telling them next weekend. My question is, should I be telling the ex-wife first, because obviously this is something that will impact on our boys lives, or do I tell them first and then let her know I have told them there will be a new addition to the family? Just looking for advice and guidance.

Thanks in advance!

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Topic starter Posted : 04/11/2015 4:17 pm
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

Under normal circumstances, I would say that telling your ex first would be a good idea, but since she did a lot of damage regarding the wedding, there's certainly a lot of opportunity for her to do the same again ("your dad is going to love his new baby more than you" springs to mind as a possibility) so I'd tell them before your ex, or possibly you could text your ex to tell her once you have the children with you.

And I'd be inclined to break it to your children that they are going to have a new baby brother or sister, not that you are going to have a baby - a small difference, but it's putting them first, rather than you, if you see what I mean.

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Posted : 05/11/2015 12:30 am
epo1984
(@epo1984)
New Member Registered

Thanks for the reply - that is pretty much how I was planning on doing it, We know from having a CVS last week that we are having a girl (my first girl, so nervous but so so excited) so we will be telling them they are having a baby sister.

I just needed to sense check my plan, and your suggested course of action tallies. Thanks ever so much!

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Topic starter Posted : 05/11/2015 5:18 pm
got-the-tshirt
(@got-the-tshirt)
Famed Member Registered

Hi There,
.
I agree 100% tell the boys when they are with you and then txt your ex before you take them back, you may get some backlash, but at least you can have spoken to your boys before your ex tries to stir up trouble so they can be happy about it.
.
I would also try and involve them as things progress, let them help get the baby's room ready, take them to buy small cuddly toys for her ready for when she is born, and always talk about all the fun you will have together when she arrives, by including them all the way through they shouldn't feel pushed out, and even if thier mother tries to stir up issues they will see through it.
.
GTTS

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Posted : 05/11/2015 6:21 pm
Yoda
 Yoda
(@yoda)
Famed Member

I agree with actd and GTTS on this, I would definitely speak to the boys before telling their mother but make sure she knows before the return. Good luck and congratulations.

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Posted : 06/11/2015 12:19 pm
halfoyster
(@halfoyster)
Estimable Member Registered

You have been given an excellent advice, pure wisdom!

Congratulations!!

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Posted : 06/11/2015 2:26 pm
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