So this is a first for me and i really dont know where to start.
My wife is 4 months gone with a planned pregnancy and im freaking out and have been since day one.
A little back ground i have no contact with either of my parents by dad left when i was young and didnt have anything to-do with me the odd visit and when i was 14ish found out why he left he was gay. My mum never wanted a boy and would quite happily tell me that i was named by the nurse and my sister was the one who got all the praise and love. When i was 18 i tried to take my life obisually failed as im here now.... at 23 ish i dropped all contact with my family and ive been happier since then.
Meet my wife 6 years ago and its been awesome she said from day one that she wanted children, me well i need convincing as due to my parents i didnt want to bring a child in to the world with a parents who didnt want them. My wife will be amazing mom i have no issue there, me well im not sure.
I feel like its a mistake and that i shouldn't have gone through with it a bit late now i know im generally being an [censored] to my wife as i dont know how to deal with it. What if im just like my parents and f#*k the kid up and dont love it. I feel like i can't do it scared that i will reject the child.
Its not like i hate children im pretty good with them safe in the knowledge they are going back.
Everyone says it the best thing ever and they wouldn't change any thing but they are not me and had at least one parent who wanted them.
I dont really know what im looking for the mtfu answer will not help any one felt like this before and what was the out come
Hi there
It’s absolutely understandable that you are feeling so much self doubt, your past was traumatic for you and because you havent worked through the issues from your childhood, they have now resurfaced. I think it might help if you were to seek some form of counselling to help you to find a way through.
I would also speak to your wife about how you’re feeling, apologise for the way you’ve been behaving and help her understand thereasons why.
You are not your parents, you have a lovely wife that really wants your child and a part of you, the confident part of you, does too, you planned it together... I’m sure with some talking therapies and her support you can get past this.
Your GP may be able to refer you, or you can get help through an organisation like Relate
www.relate.org.uk
Best of luck