Dad dot info
Free online course for separated parents
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.
Free online course for separated parents
Clear all

[Solved] Hello Everyone! Expecting father!

New Member Registered

Hello guys!

I have been drifting around this website/forums the past few weeks and have read some great stuff! Keep up the good work Dad's! I figured I'd introduce myself. A little about who I am and what I am expecting:

First off, My name is Ryan. I live in the Midwest. I am currently working within my family business. I own a house, a car, and have a decent income. My income is only going to grow, especially when my Dad retires and I take over in a year or so. I'm almost 28 years old and have been enjoying life a lot in 2015. I have been dating my girlfriend, who is recently 34, since Feb. 2015. So we are on our 9th month of dating. Wow, time does fly! Over the past few months we had talked about marriage and what not. She is definitely the one, but we were never real big on spending money on a wedding, for good reason too. Back in October, we got a little surprise...

So it's October, and we find out that she is pregnant. At first, we were a little shocked because we had always taken the necessary precautions. We were NOT trying to have a child, but now we have an OOPS! Baby on the way. We could't be happier right now and are really looking forward to our little miracle. The end of October we had our first appointment where they did the test to make sure she was pregnant and said she was probably about 7-8 weeks. So as of right now, she is at least 11 weeks, but she is really showing and we believe her to be much further along. In about a week we have our second appointment where we should find out a lot more. Now on to the good stuff...

So far, I am really excited about being a father! I'm scared as hell, just like everyone should be! Our relationship has been good for the most part. Definitely have had more tension and fights as of lately. I am doing my best to hold me tongue and do what I need to do. Most of the tension is from her fully blind 13-14 year old Boston Terrier who spends about 95% of the time in a cage. This dog has been nothing but a pain in my neck since she moved in and really stresses me out. She says she is going to get rid of him before the baby comes...but I don't think she will go through on it. I want the dog gone by the time the snow hits the ground for a lot of reasons. The responsibilities of the dog have been starting to shift more towards me. This dog is NOT potty trained and does what he wants and when he wants. Did I mention he is fully blind!?!? I spend a lot of my lunch breaks cleaning out a cage and giving him a bath. He wakes up about 4-5 times a night and barks. Anyway, any suggestions on this one? Please don't say, wait till you have a baby! I understand what is coming with a baby, but I don't need a untrained dog waking up my baby 4-5 extra times a night!

Lastly, I think the whole hormone thing is really kicking in. I could use any suggestions here. I mostly try and just do what she says, but she has really been irritating me lately. Like I said, once the dog is gone I will be 10 times better! I feel a little under-appreciated and she knows it but doesn't seem to care! Is this normal!? When she found out she was pregnant, she quit smoking, drinking, and started eating healthy. She then told me she expects me to do the same thing IMMEDIATELY! I told her, I will...but it's going to be a week by week thing. I don't have something forcing me to quit bad habits. Well, as it sits, I have quite smoking for at least a month. I don't have an after work beer anymore. Only time I have a drink is if I am out with my friends...which is rare...or maybe a glass of wine at dinner when we go out to eat. She doesn't see it and says I should quit drinking all together. She says I haven't done anything she has asked and that it isn't fast's only been a month. Thoughts? Unfair? She doesn't realize all the financial behind the scenes things that I have done to prepare us, she seems to not care. I am the one who takes care of the house on a daily basis. She maybe does some dishes and light cleaning, but that's it. She's already pulling the pregnancy card and it is driving me nuts! I told her I think she should do as much as she can now while it's early to help me out. I understand these responsibilities are going to become mine more and more, but I could use a little help! We just flat out can't get on the same page! EVEN IF WE TALK IT OUT LIKE ADULTS!

Sorry for a long post, but I just wanted to introduce myself and let everyone know where I stand. Is the tension always like this? It all started right after we found out she's pregnant. I feel like she is trying to change me for who I am and doesn't respect or appreciate all the work I have done for us and the baby! HELP!?

Topic starter Posted : 18/11/2015 10:09 pm
Illustrious Member

Hi and welcome

Your partner's hormones are going to be all over the place at the moment, and adding to that quitting smoking is going to be adding to her stress levels, and your's also since you've quit (which I think is the correct think to do, both for your health, and for that of your baby, before and after birth). It's still early days in the pregnancy - do you both get time to go out an relax together? Perhaps a weekend break - you need some time for just the two of you, to do non-baby related stuff and just unwind. Might be worth the occasional unexpected thought - occasional flowes etc, just to show you are thinking about her.

As for the dog - I'm afraid I'm a dog lover, so I can understand that she is reluctant to part with him, but even so, in the state he's in and being kept in a cage, I do wonder whether it's fair on him as there is really no quality of life at the moment - although perhaps just some longer lead walks might help him if he's able, including tiring him out so he sleeps better.

One more thing - can you take the time to complete this survey - it does help this site to put their case for funding if they can get feedback, plus there's the chance to win a £50 amazon voucher by entering.

Posted : 18/11/2015 11:55 pm
Famed Member Registered

Hi There,
As frustrating as it is I think you are doing the right thing by trying to keep the stress levels low and just getting on with things, It does feel like you are taking on everything and getting no thanks for it, I have first hand experience of that but, sometimes it's better than the alternative which is constant arguements.
I'm in a different mind set than actd on the dog front, I'm not really a pet lover as I know how much time they take to care for, and thats when they are healthy let alone blind, it must really get to you having to clean up after the dog all the time especially when you don't even want it living there. I think you need to work on this one carefully to ensure that the dog either isn't going to be an issue by the time the baby comes or that it's gone, have you looked into re homing options possibly with someone you know so that your partner could maybe still see the dog, that may help her allow the dog to go.

Posted : 19/11/2015 5:41 pm
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi Ryan.....welcome and congratulations! 🙂

This might help to crystallise thoughts in relation to dog poo and children.

...but I agree that it's unkind to keep a dog cooped up for so long and it would be much kinder to have him rehomed if possible, his blindness might make that more difficult though.

As far as your partners demands and general changes of mood...try and go with it and don't take it too personally, her hormones have kicked in but things should settle in the next trimester.

I do think she is trying to pull a fast one where the housework is concerned though, she isn't ill, just pregnant! She does need to stay active and theres no reason why she shouldn't help out more, it wil be better for her and baby and keeping fit helps in childbirth too. It's easy to gain weight during pregnancy and not so easy to get it off afterwards!

I would be careful about giving in to all of her could set a precedent in the future! Give in where you can but stand firm on the ithings that are important to you, be calm, firm, but kind.

Check out our expecting section, there is some information there but we are looking at developing it, as an expectant father is there any content that you would like to see there?

Best of luck.

Posted : 19/11/2015 6:32 pm

Pin It on Pinterest