Dad dot info
Free online course for separated parents
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.
Free online course for separated parents
Clear all

[Solved] Upcoming Dad - Recently Split

New Member Registered

Hello all,

Long story short, me and the now ex were on a plan to move out and start a family. However about four months into the pregnancy, she leaves me stating I was too selfish, not supportive and that i do not make her happy.

For the months during the pregnancy, I have been at her beckoning call every day, doing everything i can do right, practically treading on egg shells every single day. We had some issues with our relationship which I wanted to solve however there was no time for us, we never spent any time together, and apparently that's how the relationship was going to be which I did not think should be the case.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I am a bit lost as to the next steps. How should I be approaching all this, I want to be there and support my son and I know I will get pushed into this every other weekend dad situation.

She wants to go back to work but expects me to pay for the childcare, I need to buy all baby stuff for my place however she expects me to contribute to getting her stuff. Is this right or wrong, what should I be doing? I am so naive to the situation and any advice would be great.

Topic starter Posted : 23/11/2018 1:24 am
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there

It depends on what you can afford, refusing to help her could result in her stopping or severely limiting contact.

As you’re separated, you’re responsible to pay a percentage of your income in child maintenance, which works out at about 12% of gross income. That is all you’re required to pay, anything above that is at your discretion... but she could use contact with your son as a bargaining tool and threaten to withhold contact for financial gain... more common that you’d think.

Either parent can open a case with the CMS, it costs £20 admin fee. Here’s a link to their calculator, which will give you a guide to how much you should pay.

All the best

Posted : 23/11/2018 3:33 pm
Famed Member Registered

Hi There,

As Mojo has said you are responsible for the CMS payment only, you wouldn't have to pay for child care or things she needs for the baby.

It isn't unusual though again as Mojo has said that contact is used to get the above paid for and for the mother to get her own way.

if you can afford to help out above the CMS payment then it wouldn't be a bad thing to help as it will show that you are willing to do what is needed to care for your child, but as said you don't have too.

has the baby been born yet? if not when is it due?


Posted : 23/11/2018 4:32 pm

Pin It on Pinterest