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[censored] that Alesha Dixon.
Let me explain. At 43 I can't say I have dwelled on the fact that my biological father didn't hang around for the pregnancy, let alone the birth. From what I gather he had a family and his wife was expecting - what a great guy! So having fathered three children myself, all by the same Mother, and managed to still be together, imagine my surprise at the effect that the absent fathers programme had on me.
It kind of got me thinking so I thought I'd throw those thoughts to you for a bit of feedback.
My Mum got married when I was 7 ish and he adopted me. They went on to have a child, my sis, and he hang around until she was about 16 then Mum and 'Dad' parted company. I suppose the sleeping in separate rooms for years was a bit of a portent.
Anyway, I get on quite well with him now and although my kids call him Grandad it doesn't feel like the kind of relationship I had with my Grandad (and Nan) whom I was very close to - after all ,due to my Mum's single parent status and lack of benefits back then, they pretty much brought me up.
So here's the thing: I've never met bio-dad. I checked last year's electorial role and he was still alive enough to register. Should I try? I know I have at least two half brothers. I don't know why I feel the urge to now. As far as I know he has never seen me. Call me kind-hearted, but in case he never got round to telling his wife, I'd hate to drop a bomb.
Hi installer
welcome to dad talk, you know thats a very interesting burden you have because recently i met a lady who asked me for a certain
name and when I asked why she said "it was her biological father, and she was looking for him." I also had that same experience with two of my cousins
one looking for her mother, the other looking for his dad.
Well the one who found his dad which was a younger cousin of mine was very happy he did, it opened him up to meet the rest of the family and
we've all had a good relationship since. I think something in all of us wants to meet our real biological family as there is a connection physically,
mentally and without a doubt spiritually.
So if you asked me I would say go a head and you never know it could also open up the doors to meet other family members, also it's a chance to
possibly have that relationship that you never had.
I hope my advice helps, good luck in what ever you choose to do.
JJ
it's a really tough one. i think the decision has to be yours and yours only.
my ma passed away last year and it made me realise how really precious family is. i'm still thinking whether i should try and locate her estranged brother (she never saw him in 40 years and none of us ever met him) just to tell him she died. she didn't want me to do it while she was alive, but when people die, i think sometimes you have to think about the living as well.
my thought is that it is a chance to know something different about her, meet an uncle and maybe a whole other side of the family. on my dad's side i have a half-sister who i've never met too. it's fascinating to think who these people might be. i'm still not sure what to do in both cases as like you said, you never really want to drop a bomb. i can't help wondering about both of them though.
i wouldn't know where to begin looking for them anyway. ❓ ❓ where do you go to first?
best of luck!
jc
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