[Solved] Advice needed - estranged Wifes new 'Fiance'

Hi All,

I have two beautiful and wonderful daughters, one is 11 and the other is 4. Both are my world.

Last year my wife left me for another man. Although at the time, she told me it was to find herself and independence but I later found out the truth concerning that situation when her new partner slipped up and celebrated their one year anniversary on FaceBook which meant they had started seeing each other whilst we were still together and trying to make things work.

We share the kids 50/50. I still get on with my Ex. She's a great fun person (just a terrible partner/wife - she couldn't remain faithful..a few times over the 13 years we were together!)

I want some advice on how others would handle my situation. Let me make things clear, I of course have been through a bit of an emotional rollercoater, but count myself VERY lucky when I hear about the trouble a lot of Dads have in trying to see their kids.

For me, the most important thing out of ANYTHING is that my children grow up in a loving, peaceful and calm environment, but at the same time, I have my own self respect and do not want to be made a mug of or walked over.

My ex's new partner is not my cup of tea. I have an extremely strong moral compass and I would never have 'wooed n pursued' a married woman with a family, ever... But I digress, I guess that's got nothing to do with anything really. He is great with the kids, and they really seem to like him, which is v cool and does give me some comfort.

So, a few times now my ex's new partner has done a few things that makes me worry more about his moral compass and about the lessons his actions are teaching my children. Let me explain.

The first is that he has asked my ex to marry him, and we are still married. From a 'jealousy' point of view, I have absolutely no problem with that. At all. I was very glad when my ex had the [censored] to break things off, because I didn't have even though she kept hurting me by cheating. Now I am free, I am so happy to be single again. I would not want to be back with her even if she asked. I am now free and at peace. So the problem isn't jealousy. The problem is I am concerned the message that sends about the sanctity of marriage. What does it say about marriage if whilst still married to me she can get engaged to another person? It is a situation we are trying to remedy quickly and are seeing a lawyer to amicably get a divorce as soon as possible. I am aware that by me putting up with her cheating that would send a bad message too in this regard, but the difference is that I never told the children, they love their Mother, have a great relationship with her and I would never ever ruin their view of her. They do not need to know those things. So even though I would have been sending a bad message by putting up with that, they don't know. BUT, they do know that she accepted his proposal and are getting married. I am worrying about nothing here with that? I wish them to know marriage is a very important deal, and not something to be so cavalier about.

The second issue (which bothers me a HUGE amount more than the first) is that although good with the kids, he keeps sending messages to her page on FaceBook (I am still her FB friend because we get on still OK) like "I can't wait to get home and see my girls", or in a stronger case in fact, when commenting on a photo he posted of them when they were all down the beach "Our mermaids at the beach". I REALLY do not know if I am being pedantic or not, but it makes me wild that he is addressing messages to her and referring to my children as his, or theirs, or 'my' or 'our'. I know he has a role to play, and he is great with them like I said, I do NOT want him referring to them as his children. They are not his kids, it's simple to me. I have spoken to them both about this in a very calm manner when the kids weren't about and they both think I'm being petty. It was a very relaxed and grown up chat, no shouting, raised voices, upset, digs or needles, just honest concern sharing, but they still disagreed with me.

Am I being silly over this? Or, am I right in the fact that it is wrong that he is referring to my kids again and again as his, especially in such a public forum? I know he wants kids, but my ex has said no. (She has some bad complications and the doc feels it is a miracle she has had two already and is still here herself. Like I say she's a great Mum and would never jeapordise her health and her position for the sake of our kids). So, if he is marrying my ex, he will NEVER have kids of his own, but I know he desperately wants them. Maybe this is why he is referring to my kids as his own?

I know how lucky I am by having 50% shared time with them, and I sincerely apologise very much to those Dads who have so much more trouble with their ex's and getting to see their kids at all by having to read this seemingly 'minor' worry.

Anyhow, thanks for listening. Opinions? Am I being silly, or should I strongly pursue my beliefs (that he shouldn't do that and should show a stronger moral compass with the kids (not just be the 'fun' one) and not do things like sully the sanctity of marriage so blatantly and DEFINITELY do not want him referring to my kids as his. I worry the lessons that his actions are teaching my kids (even though I try to explain otherwise to them like the intelligent kids they are).

Much Love Dads!