[Solved] Advice needed on taking an ex to court to see daughter

Hi Pinklynz,

And welcome,

going to court is easier than you think, I did it and didn't use a solicitor, in fact it is recomended that you don't use one if possible as the judge will be able to see emotions ect rather than hearing from someone who is not emotionally connected to the situation,

That said there are times when a solictor can help (my current partner used one and got a much better result than the court would have ruled)

from memory the cost was around £100-£150 and took about 3 weeks to get a date for court, when he goes he will meet with the judge and his daughters mother where the judge will hear both sides of the story, they will probably then meet with a caffcass officer either together or seperate. After that the judge will see them again and will probably put in place an interim order, this can stay in place if working and no further appearance would be needed, however a further date would be set for a final decision to be made, if that were broken than he would need to go back to court to enforce it. As far as I know she could be prosectuted for breaking the order and even made to oay compensation for losses ect if you had trips booked and paid for and they were missed.

The court will however try and get them to use mediation again to resolve the matter without the court intervention, they sugest that although mediation may have been used before the situation would have been "raw" at that point and may not have been the best time.

Another one they are using now is a PIP (peranting information program) both your partner and his ex would attend (on different days) they will discuss how best to deal with contact between them and thier daughter.

I found the proccess quite straight forward and I'm nearly at the end of mine and go back to court for the final (hopefully) visit on the 17th of this month.

Well thats my input and views others will be along soon i'm sure, see if you can get your partner on here too to discuss his feelings and whats been going on in the past there is a vast amount of experiences on here and i've found them really useful even if only for a rant!!

hope this helps

Hope it goes well keep us up-dated

Thankyou darren,

You have made the thought of court seem less terrifying! 🙂 )

Where do we start though? We have never been through anything like this before so dont really know where to begin. My daughter has a great relationship with her father so court has never been needed. I cant imagine for one minute the judge wouldnt grant him access as his daughter loved coming to see us and his ex doesnt actually have an excuse why we cant see her.

Hi

it isn't terifying at all, it all seems harder than it is, the fact that the judge amd caffcass are dealing with people's emotions and childrens lives they make it as pain free as possible.

I would imagine that if there were reasons why a parent shuoldn't see thier child then it wouldn't be as straight forward.

The whole proccess was quite relaxed with the judge allowing each of us to talk and give our reasons for what we felt was right, he then asked a few questions to ensure he understood where we were coming from.

the best way to start is go on line and search for a CB1 this document will tell you everything you will need, it's a 23 page document so will give you both some bed time reading 😆

you can fill out the court application on line and print it, you need to present one copy to his ex this can be done in person or by post and from memory you only have to prove it has been posted which as she is never home may be best.

The only other advice is to know what you want and go in and ask for it all, so what time you would like on a regular basis, thing's like birthdays (both your partners and his daughters), christmas, holidays and any other times that are improtant, if you can get everything agreed at once it will be much easier. Ensure your reasonable and are asking for what is fair, it seems the norm (if any of this can be classed as normal) that every other weekend, alternate christmas day's and birthdays and 2-3 weeks extra spread over the year (school holidays at school age) is what the judge looks for, but bear in mind that each case is different, and the judge will be working with caffcass to get what is best for your partners daughter.

Hi Pinklynz, and welcome to the forum.

Darren's covered it quite nicely, and there's a post from Yoji here:
http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/forum/27/1963/9129/c100/viewtopic-php?t=1963#p9129
which goes into it in some depth. If your partner doesn't have a solicitor at the moment, then he can get advice from the Children's Legal Centre (there is a link at the top of the website) free of charge, or ask questions on here and the CLC will answer directly.

The family courts aren't adversarial like the rest of the court system, they are there act in the best interests of the children involved, and if you don't have representation, they make allowances for this and the fact that you don't know the court procedures (but ask the court ushers how you address the court before you go in, they are very friendly and helpful).

One thing your partner obviously has got is a lot of support from you - in my own case, which was very expensive and extremely difficult and acrimonious, my current wife was a massive help to me by just being there for me, so don't under-estimate your role in this.

My partner and i are so glad to have found this site! 🙂 ) Everyone seems sooo helpful and friendly, thankyou!

We have downloaded a contact court form and will phone the court tomorrow to double check how many copies they require.

I cant believe the 'norm' is having contact that much....my partners ex is going to go mad if that happens lol. She would have been much better off sticking to the few hours every couple of weeks, she wont know whats hit her with this after having everything her own way the last 3 years!

Thankyou actd, i have looked at the link you provided, i just wish for his daughters sake we had done it sooner as we really thought it would cost thousands!

I will keep you updated, thanks again! 🙂 )

One thing we may have missed, make sure your partner keeps a diary of all events (good and bad) and transcripts of all conversations, copies of texts, emails etc - this is vey useful to have in court.

and keep us posted on how its going.

Also remember to pop back and chat - your experiences will become useful info for other members of the DadTalk community.

Gooner

Hi, yes, we are keeping a copy of everything 🙂 )

Ok, bit of an update....my partner and i went to visit his ex this evening, where she told him she didnt want to talk to him. Then she text him and said she would talk to him if i wasnt there. He phoned her where she has basically said she doesnt know when their daughter will or will not be free for him to see her. He asked about 2 weekends time but she said they were busy, he then suggested another weekend but she also said they would be busy. He asked when would be convenient for her and she gave him a few weekends all of which we have my daughter....
(My daughter and his daughter have never met, the reason for this is because i said it wouldnt be fair on either of them to see each other and build a relationship and then to (maybe) have it snatched away if his ex played up again....but obviously if she stuck to the arrangements for a while that would be different)

His ex now wants him to see his daughter when we have mine, but without me or my daughter. So instead of him spending time with my daughter like he has for the last 2 years, she wants him to see his instead. Like i mentioned before i have met his daughter and she got on really, really well with me. His ex said that his daughter likes me but she doesnt want her daughter to see me now.

We feel that after coming so far things have just gone very pear shaped and everyone involved is suffering.

When my partner takes his ex to court, what are they likely to say regarding me being there when he has contact? We dont live together but he does spend every weekend with me at mine. Are the courts likely to say that he has to see her alone? Surely if its ok for his ex to have a partner then it will be ok for us to be in his daughters life as we have been together 2 years!?

Many thanks....again lol!

If you read my first post on here it talks about my reasons for going to court, mine wasn't for access but to stop my ex being involved in what I did when I was with my son, she didn't tell me to see him alone but always made it difficult if I wasn't going to be, she would also want to know in advance what our plans were going to be.

When I refused to give detail she then stopped contact (so I guess in a round about way I did go to court for access 🙄 ) The judge told her in the first hearing that she couldn't say what we could and couldn't do when we had time together, and that it wasn't accceptable for her to know in the same respect it wasn't acceptable for me to know what they were doing or have any say in it while he was with her.

Unless there is a valid reason for your partners daughter not to meet and spend time with you and your daughter then there is no reason for the judge to agree to her terms, so as long as your not an axe wielding, drug abusing maniac you should be fine! (now I'm not saying that wood cutters who take 3 paracetomol instead of the recomended 2 can't look after children here you understand 😉 ) )

When I was going to court I worried about every little outcome and the what if's, it's natural, but the judge is human and has seen probably every trick that people try to get what they want, and see straight through it.

As long as you always remember that the most important part of all of this is your partners daughter and whats best for her, that might mean that to start with the contact is slower and shorter so she is able to adjust to being in a second family, it might mean your partner spending one on one time with her so she feels happy about whats going on.

I know when my son met my step son it didn't go well they argued and didn't get on so I had to see him alone and spend time making sure he was ok with moving on. My son is 8 and was 6 when I left my ex, so suffered and took time to adjust, after slowing it down they now get on really well and I don't get to see him as much as they are busy playing when he comes to see me, he is happy though which makes me happy 😀

If you decide to go to court, then as hard as it is try not to focus on what the judge may say that might be negative and focus on the positives which will almost certainly be regular contact.

Darren

I agree completely with Darren - your partner's ex has no business in saying that you can't be there during contact, and it would be unreasonable to expect otherwise.

In all the court appearances I went to (9 I think), the judge was razor sharp in seeing through my ex's [censored] and getting to the salient points. One word of advice, make sure your tell the full story - if you partner's ex has done something right, then say so, and likewise, if he's made a mistake, admit it (and apologise) - that way your partner is seen to be giving an objective view and not trying to slant it to sway the judge.

Fingers crossed the judge sees right through her then! As im certainly not an axe wielding, drug abusing maniac! 😉 )

It just worried me that we may have to spend christmases apart if he had his daughter and im not allowed to see her! 🙁 (

Darren, i think you were completely right in going to court, your ex sounds as crazy as my partners lol!

Thankyou darren and actd, we are sending the c100 off tonight so will update you when we know anything.

Good luck and keep us up-dated, but also keep coming back for general chit chat we are a friendly bunch 😉 )

Darren