[Solved] Advice please: Partners ex shares a bath with daug

It may be that the father has done this for a long time and in some circumstances, it might be OK (for instance a large hot tub possibly) but the fact that he's telling them not to tell their mother means that he knows there will be an issue at the very least, and it's not something I can see that is in the children's interests at all, so I would say that it's something that needs to be addressed with him.

Hi there

To some people nudity isn't something to be hidden, my daughter will sometimes have her 5year old in the bath with her.

The fact that he wears his pants is probably because his daughter is getting older now, but it's not right that he should ask her not to tell you.

If your partner is uncomfortable with it she should continue to try and talk to him about it.

I think the important question is how the children feel about it? I doubt the 4yr old will have an opinion, but the 7yr old daughter is likely to, perhaps you should talk to her about it and then tackle the Dad, suggest that perhaps it's time for the children to bathe separately, giving the daughter more privacy...he could still enjoy bath time with his younger son though.

I am going to agree with Mojo and Actd, it may not be an issue, especially if he has been doing this for while and wearing pants could be for the benefit of his daughter. Of itself I would not have an issue with this.

The big one though is threatening his daughter if she tells mum. What isn't clear was this the result of something already being said and your fiancé has had words with him, or did this come out of the blue? If the latter than I would have serious concerns. Where someone is coercing a child to keep certain things secret from a parent this should never be tolerated or allowed to continue.

While it could still be innocent by conditioning a child to accept that there are things they should keep secret and not talk about you make that child vulnerable to abuse.

If this behaviour is new it needs to be handled carefully. I personally would suggest talking to a professional first. For various reasons I would suggest talking to the NSPCC in the first place about what has happened and your concerns.

Hello lodgyboy,

You enquire what people's thoughts are. I think it is totally unacceptable for an adult to be in a bath with a child or children.

I can well understand your concern regarding the circumstances you describe.

Your Daughter has put an enormous amount of trust in both of you, particularly as her Father said, quote, ".....Daddy said I shouldn't tell you or he will tell me off." If this is what has been said he is putting pressure on the child by asking her to be secretive and also threatening her by stating that if she speaks to you about bath time he will tell her off.

I would seek professional advice a.s.a.p.on this matter, OddFather has suggested the N.S.P.C.C., you could also seek the opinion of your solicitor and G.P.

I think you may need to seek professional advice on how to approach the matter with your Daughter as it could be a difficult and delicate situation to handle.
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As you can see, your question has provoked a variety of responses! It's an emotive subject, all I will say is that if you intend to involve outside agencies, make sure you are prepared for the repercussions.

If you think there is any kind of sinister motive, then of course you must take this further...whatever you decide I'm sure you will do what is best for your family.

All the best.

Hi to all and thanks for your responses.

One reoccurring reply is has he done this before, and the answer is no this has started this year.

We are sure there's no sinister motive involved and I was interested to hear people's thoughts.

Thanks again.

Hello lodgyboy,

Just to clarify I specifically mentioned seeking the opinion of your solicitor and/or G.P. as both are bound by strict confidentiality to their client and patient respectively.

I can well understand that if you involve outside agencies you will need to be prepared for the repercussions. This is why I suggested a more tentative approach by contacting your solicitor and/or G.P. first.

If there is suspicion of child abuse, I don't think the confidentiality clause would apply.... regardless, I think you have a handle on it lodgyboy, and as you feel sure there are no sinister motives involved, I think keeping it in perspective is the right thing to do. If you are unhappy then I would say keep talking to him about it, also making him aware that it's unfair and damaging to the child to ask her to keep secrets, isn't right and should stop immediately...does he want his daughter to be worried that she will be punished for telling the truth? I think not.