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My daughter who is almost 9 yrs old and disabled (registered blind) amongst other physical and mental complications has been living with me (daddy) since my ex-partner left our home / relationship in January of this year. My ex-partner has never really been that attentative to our daughters disability needs throughout her life, I have always been the one who cares for my daughter (even although my ex disputes that fact). I had to quit a very good I.T job working for IBM because my ex was never their / ontime to pick up my daughter from nursery/school as my ex is a gambler. My ex-partner has always been on paper the carer of our child but she has always gambled the money away... she applied for a disability car for my daughter and then rented it out to her own sister (still on going) she has swindled money from my family and never or very rarely spent any of it on our daughter. On two seperate occasions we were 24 hrs away from eviction due to her gambling the mortage money away ... if it was'nt for my family bailing us out at the last moment my daughter / myself and ex would have been on the street. My ex is so blinded by her own needs that every time i questioned her as the responsible carer in our relationship she would start the insults and make life [censored] for me... i could give several serious examples of how my daughter has been faced with danger due to my ex's negligence. My ex stated on a particular occasion that she feels as if she has never really connected with our child .... as mentioned previously my daughter has been living with me in the family home since my ex left in January 2012, my ex now has her own home.... a few weeks ago i stated to my ex that i feel i should be our daughter's legal gaurdian / carer as to be blunt you (my ex) were not very responsible with my daughters money or her actions. My ex has not really seen much of our daughter this year.... i'd say about 20 or 30 time ..and if i'm honest i'm not even sure its as much as that, ever since i mentioned to my ex that i would like to be the carer she has said that she will have our daughter living with her at her house. my daughter constantly needs reassurance that she's not going to mummy's !!! Please advise me as everyone round about me has been saying for years that i should be taking this stance but my ex constantly be-littles me every time i state its wrong what she's doing and how she has alienated herself from our daughter.
I need to talk about this as there is so much more to this and i'm worried that if I give my ex another chance something serious could happen to my daughter . I am banging my head against the wall with worry, even my daughters head teacher knows of this full situation and she sympathises and has stated that if my ex puts a foot wrong she will contact social services. (ie) give my ex enough rope and she will hang her self, I have co-existed with ex for almost 10 years (or survived being a better word) I know what my ex is really like ... on the rare occasion my ex takes our daughter my heart is in my mouth with worry !!!
Please advise what you think my next step should be- thank you in anticipation
Andre
Hi, I would say that you should be applying for residence. However, before this, have you been in touch with any gamblers organisation s as this may be useful also.
Hi, thanks for the reply and honesty. Yes, I've been on to Gamblers Anonymous Scotland about two years ago and at that time suggested to my ex to come with me. The second I mentioned the idea she laughed and typically said she can walk away from gambling at any time !!....and that to her it was the way she de-stressed herself. I also suggested various other support groups (Gambling, depression, marriage counselling which was met with "I dont want to talk to strangers about something so private"... it was never-ending.
cheers
A
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