[Solved] Already been told no contact over Christmas

Try to stay positive ak57...you've got your day in court soon...Is it before Christmas? If it is,ask for defined contact in respect of Christmas and New Year.. if she is having her for Christmas Day this year, you ask for Boxing Day, and the same for New Year, then ask that it be alternated each year and written into the order. If you're not in court until after Christmas, then point out that you had no contact for christmas 2012, so ask for you to be given Christmas for 2013 and so on. Perhaps suggest that each year, when one parent has the christmas then the other parent gets the New Year maybe.

Perhaps on the last visit you have with her before christmas, you can take her to see father christmas and give her her presents. I know its not ideal but I bet it will be a different story soon and you will be able to take her home and get to know her properly.

Good luck.

Hi Nannyjane
I think the first hearing will be before Christmas, what if she says he cant make it ? We have said Boxing day every yeaar but I think we will change it to alternate years as she will always use the excuse of going away, even offered to go to where she was maybe going but she said she wsnt going to her parents. such a liar. we are going to make our last visit a Christmas one, family get together and pressies, poor mite will be confused, hopefully been to court and get at least the control of where we go sorted .

...At the first court hearing you will be asking for interim contact to be put in place and also that you be allowed to have contact in the family home.... Ask for contact during the christmas period, and if the mother argues that she has already made other arrangements and the child wont be available for contact, you could suggest that you be allowed to have her for the New Year... if the mother argues again that the child wont be available then this makes it look like denial of contact....I would hope that you will be allowed contact on one or the other, if not christmas then new year. You can express your intention to ask for a fair sharing of christmas, Easter and other holiday times in the future, and for it to be defined within the final contact order. Will you be asking for overnight stays to be started with immediate effect? Has Dad been allowed overnight contact previously? If yes then you could push for an overnight stay over the christmas/new year period....its worth a try!

I'm assuming there will be more than one court appearance, is that the correct assumption do you think?

My son is now getting two Saturdays a month, its really difficult as he works a 4 on 4 off pattern and I have said it has to be us who gives her dates he can have her as its his job, but when she texted she gave dates for Dec and January, I have texted back and said it again, it will just be another way of controlling. This is all making me feel ill and not sleeping. I’m so worried about court , if it was me speaking I would be fine bit I’m worried he wont get his point across and give in to her lawyers demands .
He is asking for contact without restrictions in the interim and then the second hearing hopefully we will get overnight. He has never been allowed overnight. I think the reason she doesn’t want her coming back to mine is that it will be another excuse to delay overnight. We were being really nice about Christmas and just asking for Boxing day in the future but we are going to change it to alt Christmas as she will always say she’s going away .This is also costing everyone a lot of money due to travelling and entertaining her, we don’t mind in one way but its so unfair.
we will be asking at the first hearing for contact over Christmas, but if she can prove her plans it might be to late .

...I feel for you all ak57. As your son is representing himself, I'm sure I read that he would be entitled to have someone to assist him...other wise theres an unfair balance. I would pursue this point vigorously. The only thing I can suggest is to buy some blank postcards and write down important points that your son needs to bring up in court, number them so he can keep them in order. You could write his closing speech for him and then he could read it out to the court. If the court officials wont allow you in, when your son is in court, if he dries up or cant cope, he could ask the judge personally when he is in there, if you could be allowed in to assist him. The judge is king!

You are right to ask for interim Christmas contact, because her refusal to agree to any will make her look all the more unreasonable.

Perhaps you could do some role playing with your son beforehand. You could be her lawyer and ask him some uncomfortable questions, so he can prepare how to respond...play the devils advocate. A bit of practice might help him to get his responses right, its important he doesnt take the bait and respond inappropriately.

Hi There

I am new to this forum but have read quite a lot of posts and issues that made me feel the need to register, so that I can comment lol lol

I am an NRPP who does not have any kids but as a female i'm absolutely appauled at the behaviour of some mothers.

Similar to your situation, we are told when we can/can't have the kids, regardless of how it impacts them. The first year I was with my partner (2.5 years after they split up), the mother told the children their father didn't want them at christmas because he had a new girlfriend.... the arrangements they had for the provious 2 christmases had not changed. She would not allow them to stay with him on Xmas Eve/Day, so he went to her house and watched them open their presents and then went to his mums for dinner..... except that year, she decided that he should have the kids on christmas night (because I was going to his mums for dinner)..... the kids were really upset because they actually thought their Dad didn't want them!!! When he went round to their house to explain to the kids, the mother wouldn't let him in, she threatened to call the police and told the kids that their dad was violent!!! His daughter ended up in the garden hugging her Dad telling him she wanted to go with him!!

Last year (our second christmas together) we booked a pantomime as a special treat for the kids (because they had only been to school pantomimes) but the mother told us they couldn't go (it was the weekend we were due to have the kids) and told the kids we had lied about the pantomime... we showed his daughter the pantomime tickets, hotel and train booking to prove it and the only reason the mother let them come along was because her daughter was so upset...

This year we have been told not to even bother trying to see them until after christmas because "they have a busy social life"..... the kids want to come with us but the mother has booked every weekend in December her family/their friends, the kids are not sure what to do for the best.... my partners daughter has admitted that her mother is wrong and is jealous (daughter is 13) but that she doesn't want to upset mum so she does as she says.... as a result we never know whether we are coming or going........... court order is ignored because "the kids don't want to see us" but when we see the kids they tell us they love us and miss us....

My point, in this long story lol is that the pwc is allowed to do/say what she wants and the nrp just has to accept it or pay a fortune and 'hope' that luck will be on their side. NRPs (fathers especially) have absolutely not rights and I find it soo wrong!!! I've kept my story specifically to christmas arragnements but its the same every time we plan to do something with the kids... the only time the mother lets the kids come around without an argument is when she thinks we will be sitting at home with them (then they will be bored and want to go home)...

I hope you sort something out.... we are hanging on to the kids by a thread so i'm afraid i'll be reading the response to your post to see if I can get some advice too....

🙂

Hi Sally

its a nightmare isn’t it. Seems strange that more and more women are joining dad sites so we can get advise, it just proves that not all women are nasty control freaks. I have had first hand experience of not being allowed to see my Dad from the age of ten, and I missed him terrible, he may have done things to my mum which he shouldn’t but he never hurt me , yet it was me who had to go without a dad. I did find him 25 years later and we had 10 years of Dad and Daughter (fell out with mum for while over it) till he passed away on Christmas day with cancer, a few years ago. I’m pleased I found him but nothing will bring back them precious years, so any Dad thinking of giving up the fight , please don’t, your child cant fight for you , you have to fight for them .
I’m presuming you have a contact order already in place, I would take her back to court it costs £200 and ask for a defined one, this they cant change and if they do then take her back. Stand up to her and fight, you can always go for residency that would shock her. Take lots of photos and videos, that’s what I’ve been doing and it shows how happy she is with Daddy