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Hi and thanks for reading.
Cut a long story short - split with ex Feb 2011 ( not married ), daughter is now 4yrs and 3months old. When we split up my ex decided to up sticks and move 15 miles away to Dudley, West Midlands. Since then I have had my daughter every other weekend Fri, Sat & Sunday overnight, so I pick her up from Nursery on a Friday night and drop back to nursery Monday morning - every other week. I have never failed to break this agreement, and I also have her occasionally in the week if her Mom needs me to. We shared things like Christmas/Easter etc. Not that it matters, but I also pay maintenance every month, and again, sometimes pay a little more than I should.
Anyway, for the last 12 months, my ex enrolled my daughter on a Dance/Ballet class every Saturday morning in the village where she now lives. I therefore was taking my daughter dancing every other Saturday when it was my weekend to have her. Bit of a ball-ache really if I am honest as 15 miles each way is time consuming and not really fair on my daughter i dont think. Anyway, I never moaned to my ex and just took my daughter dancing whenever I have her.
A few weeks ago I moved to Tamworth, which is now around 35 miles away, and a good Hour at least on a good journey ( M42, M6, M5 ). When my ex found out I was moving, the first thing she said was " I hope you are going to make sure that Grace carries on with the dance class ". I said that I would look to seek a Dance class in Tamworth, as I don't feel it fair for my daughter to be travelling over an hour on a Friday night to my house, then another hour back to Dudley for dancing on Saturday morning, then another hour back home again after dancing, and then another hour on a Monday morning back to her moms/nursery ! Unsurprisingly, my ex hit the wall at this suggestion and said there was no way she will be going to alternate dance classes and that I need to make sure she goes to her usual dance class on a Saturday. She did suggest me picking her up on a Saturday after dance class but I think this really unfair as I am in a fortunate position where I can pick my daughter up fairly early on a friday and have her Friday PM and overnight which is good quality time.
I would appreciate peoples advice/input, even if its not what I want to hear, as to what other people would do, and also how far could my ex really go in trying to ensure my daughter goes dancing in Dudley on a Saturday. The way I look at it is - dancing is dancing at that age anyway so it doesn't matter where she does it. Also - how would my ex feel if I enrolled my daughter on a swimming course every Saturday morning in Tamworth and told her she needs to bring her all the way over here on her weekends !
Hope you can help as I am considering not taking her dancing as it is not fair on her i don't think, all the travelling, but I am worried as to what my ex could do about it. Thanks.
You do both have the ideal set up of every other weekend, and sharing at other times. As much as parents love their children, its always good to get a rest, so your ex has it good.
And I agree about it being too much travelling, but you are being taken for granted. But its not easy to force the issue when children are involved.
Hey bud,
I think firstly, your ex should have discussed it with you first. However, that is a past issue.
I think there's 3 options:
1) Alternating dance school with two different schemes of work would be confusing and would probably have a negative impact on your daughter's performance in classes.
2) Finding a dance school equidistant between you and your ex is an option, although your daughter wouldn't know anyone there, this also applies to no. 1
3) Leaving your daughter at the same dance school, and picking her up on a Saturday after she finishes is again another option, although like you said would mean spending less time with her.
From you daughter's point of view, assuming she enjoys her dancing, I think option 3 is the best solution. Could you consider agreeing to it with the caveat that you arrange a regular time during the week to have her to make up for the Friday afternoon / evening lost?
Personally I think it's a bit of a pain but if your daughter enjoys it then it must be worth it.
Do you stay during the class and watch her have fun? She will appreciate the fact that you care enough to transport her there (maybe not now but as she gets older)
Trust me as she gets older you'll be taking her all over the place.
At other points you and your ex will have disagreements over things - pick your battles. Is this really the one that is worth a disagreement over?
An hour in the car is not ideal but think of it as great dad daughter chat time - get her to talk about her week, her friends etc
That would be my advice (for what it's worth :huh: )
Gooner
Thanks all so far.
I really do not mind the 2 hour round trip, but doing it on a Friday night, Saturday Morning, then a Monday morning - is this really fair on me and my daughter both regarding time stuck in car, and also the fact it is costing me £10 in petrol/diesel per round trip ( £30 every other weekend ) on top of my maintenance I am already paying ? In effect it is adding £60 to my CSA payment every month.
I don't want to consider the option picking her up on a saturday because my Dad ( Grace's grandad) gets to spend some time with her on the Friday's I/we pick her up from Nursery. If I picked her up on Saturday, my Dad would lose this precious time.
I work every night Mon - Thurs so other option having extra night in week is not possible.
Feels like a no win situation.
My ex as we speak has also just texted to say she is within her rights to stop my daughter coming to my wedding in July as a flower girl ! All because she has an urgent works meeting coming up in 2 weeks and told me I must have her Tues & Weds evening that week as she is away with work - I told her I could do one of the nights due to my work commitments and this is what I have just got back from her ! This is what we have to deal with I guess.
My ex as we speak has also just texted to say she is within her rights to stop my daughter coming to my wedding in July as a flower girl !
Now that is just mean. 😮
Yep - mean and twisted - you don't realise how low some people can sink sometimes, especially when they have your daughter to tug at your heart strings.
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