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Hi all, am new to this site and would just like opinions if you'd be so kind.
I'm 33, have been married nearly 7 years and have a 2½ year old boy. I was made redundant in October and so have been at home a lot more. My son goes to nursery two days a week, but other than that is at home. When I am with my boy I find it really difficult to be tolerant of any bad behaviour. He is prone to occasional (really loud) screams if he doesn't get his own way. My wife used to tell me he was like this occasionally but as I never experienced it I didn't see such an issue, so the time I spent with him was generally okay. She is now seeing that I am experiencing his behaviour and really not dealing with it well, going as far to tell me that I clearly don't like him or being around him. I am waiting on the outcome of job interviews and am sure things will improve when I get back to work, but, for the moment, this is causing no end of rows and both me and my wife are feeling very down about it and she feels the burden is on her to look after him, as when me and him are together it just ends up with me being annoyed and him screaming. Is this common, or am I really such a bad person that I find it hard to cope with a 2½ year old?!! Any advice/thoughts welcomed. Thanks in advance,
Hey there,
Of course you are not a bad dad. The fact you are addressing it is the best thing any dad can do. You obviously went through a lot of stress since being made redundant, losing your job is a terrible thing. What I find is that kids definitely are intuitive and pick up on stress that parents may be experiencing. What would you say the triggers are to your son and his screaming? Maybe all of you need some time out, say a family outing somewhere new next weekend? It doesn't have to involve any money necessarily! What about a trip to a park you've never been to before? Hope the weather brightens up though!!
All the best,
jc
Hi jc,
Thank you so much for your reply. It really is heartwarming that someone would take the time and effort to respond to someone they've never met. The bizarre thing is that my wife works on a similar forum to this giving advice to mums, so I know how beneficial they are, but when someone responds it really does make you feel that you aren't the only person in the world to experience such feelings. My wife has always worked in childcare, either in a hands-on or an advisory capacity, so is brilliant with our son and has said to me time and time again the type of things that you mention, i.e. 'triggers' and child picking up on stress, but it is great to hear it from another dad's perspective, as it really hits home.
Thanks again and I will definitely look for the signs to help me address why things happen and try to think before I act.
Cheers, Matt.
No probs! Best of luck to you all. It's a tough job innit being a parent?!? Our daughter's only 9 months, but I had all that screaming with my nephew when I looked after him. I'm sure my daughter will get there though! Sometimes I think, right I'm just gonna relax now, step back, take a deep breath and try something else!!
Take it easy,
jc
Don't forget the terrible 2's it's a hard time for them as they are trying so hard to communicate and often find it hard through lack of speech and they are also pushing the boundaries of what they can and cannot do!! Much to the parents annoyance!!
I'm sure like you say you will feel less frustrated on the outcome of a new job as will your wife as it must be a stressful time in both your lives and everyone will naturally become more tolerable when the good news comes in!
Your son will also become less frustrated as he grows and will communicate better and understand his boundaries it may be worth trying the common mis-behaviour methods ie time out, warnings, naughty step etc etc to see if he responds, although he is young but some do at this age!
You are not a bad dad, if you were, you wouldn't be on here! we alll just have our moments
All the best
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