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Thought i'd ask for more information - or help and advice on what I should do in what seems a very hard position for me.
I'll set the scene...
I baisically moved into an area with my long term gf as she was expecting our 2nd baby and wanted to be nearer to her family to help with the kids/look after them whilst we work. This seemed like a good idea at the time, as we didn't live next to our parents before and it meant we could spend a bit more time together as a couple etc.
I initially thought, yeah, lets give a try and see what happens...i'm having second thoughts now though. Although I get on with her family to a degree, they are from a very different background from my family, and I struggle to feel relaxed and get on with them - they don't really speak to me that much, I try to spark conversations but they don't go anywhere, i'm not really that keen on them to be honest. My partner is a great mom, and I still love her totally but sometimes wonder if she loves her familiy more than me as she spends alot of time with them.o
In the meantime, Im stuck at home, my partner works alot of weekends so feel completely alone looking after the kids. No local friends and none of my family to turn to...i miss them terribly - i know they are all together as i write this because of the jubilee, and i'm sat here like a saddo with noone to speak to. After speaking to my partner (arguments really) she has suggested that she will have to speak to her family to have the kids more so I can try and make new friends, but I'll then feel guilty for not having the kids.
Am i just wasting my time here and what feels like postponing the inevitable (going our seperate ways). I don't want to, and I could never think about leaving the kids, but I feel so alone :o(.
Hi,
It seems as though you feel trapped by the situation, if leaving is the last thing you want then you need to try and get on with where you are, it must be hard not to know anyone and being in a family group must be hard to try and join in.
Are you able to try and connect with her family in a one on one basis rather than trying with the whole family at once?
Maybe her dad or brother (if she has one) to see if you can make some common ground.
I would say that even if it came from an argument then her family looking after the children to give you chance to make some friends is probably a good idea, don't think of it as a burden or anything to feel guilty about but rather think of it as a chance to make your family work, taking time away from the children to give your relationship the best chance of working will be better for the in the long run.
Darren
Thanks for the reply Darren i apreciate it.
In the long term, I know I need to make changes to my life - the whole situation of missing my parents and family I think is exagerated because I don't have any friends where I live.
Her parents are not nasty, or anything like that, but just hard to get to know.and I really struggle, even on a 1 to 1 basis to get any conversation going apart from one word answers and I just can't understand why.
I think i'm gonna give myself another 6 months. I'll do as has been suggested, and spend time trying to meet more people, whether that be via my hobbies or just down the pub. If i'm struggling and not getting the sup'port off my partner i'm not going to be unhappy for the rest of my life and will seriously consider leaving - I don't want to leave but don't want to feel unhappy and alone all the time.
Hi
It may be worth contacting Relate (link at the bottom of the website) - it sounds like your girlfriend does care sufficiently to make some changes, and she is actually right - you do need some time to follow your own activities and make some friends - it isn't selfish leaving your children to have some time to yourself as it means that the time you have with your children will be a better quality.
It might be helpful in the long run for you to go out together & explain exactly where you are at & find some solutions together. I think it's a great idea to go out & make friends, but I'd also suggest doing that as a couple & as a family too, as well as on your own. e.g invite another couple out for drinks that you might both get on with or invite a family over for a BBQ. From experience, it does take time to form new friendships & I wouldn't give up hope yet.
Is there a solution to your Girl Friend cutting down the work at weekends to give you all more time together?
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
