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Meeting up with this guy on Saturday for a coffee. It was the ex's idea as we have both been having issues with our 2 boys. They come to mine every weekend and my nearly 4 year old keeps saying he wants to go home and that he doesnt like me. Its heartbreaking to hear. So i spoke with my ex about this and we decided now might be the time for everyone to meet up as we both have new partners. Thing is he wants to do this alone and we have spoken on txt and so far its gone well. He has had a similar experience to that of mine where he had to meet his little girls Mum's new man. Funnily i have been the, other man, with my girlfriends ex. Very weird to be experiencing it on the other side of the fence. I would have rather we had all gone for coffee and my ex seemed hesitant to agree at all to this saying i could bring my partner round on a day i drop the boys off. Guess he wants to do the man to man thing. The ink hasnt even dried on the decree absolute yet buy i guess this needs to be done sooner rather than later as then the boys can finally feel settled and im going to be tied to the ex which in turn means having a civil understanding with this guy.
Hi There,
This all seems like a pretty civil thing to do and would hopefully make life a little easier.
I haven't my ex's new partner though she has had a brief introduction to mine and I have met my step sons dad.
I can see the benefit too meeting though, and I guess the only advice I could give would be sharing notes on the ex probably wouldn't be a good move 😀 😀 seriously though all I can say is keep an open mind and be adult about it, I guess you both want what's best.
Darren
Darren
My notes arent to kind haha so we'll definitely stay away from that. Thanks for that. Im trying not to get to paranoid as my ex is a nightmare for game playing. Im going in with a calm manner and in truth it would be nice to see what he is about.
Only advice would be:
Go with an open mind and fully prepared to be civil. Keep calm and smile a lot. If it goes a little pear shaped don't get dragged into a slanging match - rise above it.
It seems a lot of effort to go to , for both parties to not want to make it work.
Keep in mind that if your able to be civil and respectful to each other it would be of a massive advantage to your kids.
The fact that you are all even contemplating this is a massive step in the right direction and if you succeed, it will make life so much easier for you all in future. My wife is still very friendly with her ex partner and I like him a lot so have no problem with him coming around at all, and I am still very friendly with my first ex (not the mother of my children - that's my second ex and I wouldn't inflict her on onyone I know), she's really like a sister to me - it's simply a matter of realising that you've all moved on.
Well done you! It shows great maturity and strength of character to move forward in such a responsible way. For the children to be able to see a united front, and not have to endure ill feeling or unpleasant scenes, is the best thing you can do for them. Its dreadful when children are pulled in two different directions by the two people they love the most.
I wouldn't worry too much about your 4 year olds reaction, children can say some hurtful things but they dont mean it. I would imagine that once he senses that things are more settled,and sees you're all singing from the same songsheet, it will soon die down!
I think when you meet up just be yourself, be honest and dont have any preconceptions. He's likely to be equally nervous about the meeting,and like you will be interested to see what you are all about too.
Best of luck and dont forget to let us all know how it went! 🙂
Hey all, thanks for the advice and sound words 🙂
So yeah, in the end, it went really well. The guy was pretty decent really and we seemed to get along well and had a laugh about things really. He talks a good game so far and seems genuine with his intentions towards the ex and my boys and said he fully knows his place in it all. I couldnt ask for much more really.
He said to me that my eldest had been slightly stand offish with him at times. He said he felt as if my eldest wasnt completely sure if he was allowed to like him! Maybe its all confused him a bit so hopefully now we can move on from the divorce and start forming a civil relationship with him and the ex. They've said i should pop in for a chat and a brew when picking the boys up and dropping them of so fingers crossed things will fall in to place.
Thanks again though guys 🙂
Glad it went well-known sounds like you could all have the ideal relationship going forwards 🙂
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