[Solved] Assaulted by ex's partner!

Update,

I have just been checking my e-mail and I have received email correspondence from my ex's partner stating its easy for him to clarify his version of events, he has witnesses, I owe him money for damaging the wall in his house and if I don't agree to his claims I assaulted him he is pressing charges tomorrow and I'm no longer welcome at there house. Obviously I'm not replying. What advice is out there? He also wants a written letter saying I won't use violence again, well I did not use violence this time. If he presses charges through the police that's ok I have nothing to hide as I never hit him.

Justmeagain,

In my opinion you should have reported this to the police immediately.

This contributes to a body of evidence that can be presented in court.

If you reported it you needednt take it further but you would have an incident number that can be quoted and checked by social services or the courts.

I suggest that you report this and present your pictures.

Your exs partner and ex will use this against you.

Dont respond to his mails or communications but report to the police and your solicitor.

Just my opinion.

Regards,

Dave

Hello Dave

Thanks for your reply, I went to the police and explained the situation to them, they advised me that if I did make a report it would go to the CPS and its they who would decide if further action needed taking. After talking to the police I thought its best not to flame the situation by reporting it as my ex might be really awkward with my access. In his email he has stated that if I do not reply to him this afternoon he is pressing charges so if the police contact me I will obviously give my version of events and press charges myself.

I have been a&e tonight to have my eyes looked at and there is no lasting damage just a bruising but obviously It will be on the hospital records now.

Hi justmeagain,

Yes point taken regards CPS.

What I had in mind when I was writting is that I had an incident yetserday myself where my exs father was involved. No physical violence just that he became agressive towards me.

I called 101 and reported it.

It will be interesting to know who his witesses are as well. All firends of his I am sure?

Good luck and regards.

Let us know how you get on as it is good to share things such as this so that others learn and are forearmed.

Regards,

Dave

Hi

He claims two neighbours witnessed the events whilst they where doing there garden but they had gone into there house when the incident occurred, plush there was nothing for them to see as the altercation took place on his door step when he pulled me into his house, I had red marks on my neck where I was grabbed. The other witness was his 10 year old son who was upstairs so I would not know what he seen or heard. They have only lived there a month so I don't think the neighbours will want to get involved.

He is probably bluffing then.

Either way if the neighbours do give statements then they will be compared to yours and you have pictures and your medical records as proof.

Regards,

Dave

Hi there,

I'm of the same opinion as DaveR, I think you should go back to the police and tell them that he is trying to intimidate you into accepting responsibility and asking for damages. It's not going to stop here, he's obviously told your ex that it was you that instigated this and is trying to prove it by trying to make you put it in writing!

To claim you must pay for the damage which is inside the house, he is saying that the incident happened inside so how could the neighbours have witnessed it?

Thinking further his actions may even be construed as further threatening behaviour or harrasment.

I appreciate your stance is not to make waves but I also do not think that he will stop here and has shown how manipulating and abusive that he is so I would consider showing him that you are not going to put up with his behaviour and report the lot to the police.

That is just my opinion but obvously I appreciate you have to live with the fallout and this may not be the best course of action for you.

Good luck Sir.....

Regards,

Dave

Well my ex phoned sat night all upset and wanting to know how we can sort out my access to my daughter as I'm no longer welcome at there house.

We discussed it and agreed to meeting near her house or my parents collecting my daughter. I told her of the threatening e-mail and his demands and I told her I would welcome police intervention, she was more concerned with my threats of court action which are very real and I told her she will never be forgiven for allowing an animal like that to look after my daughter over night. Something she has never allowed me to do.

The prospect of court is very real and the assault would help my case on the other hand do I just see if the fear of being
Taken to court is enough for more overnight stays after I get the 1st one next week and holidays abroad now.

I'm just biding my time now as the assault injuries are recorded at the hospital, photos have been taken and I have the e-mail ( think they call it cohesion or something if someone trys to get you to admit to something by threatening you)

I think there will be severe doubts in her mind now about her partner and his version of events as if what he told her was true I would be straight the police station, plus the threat was to have me charged with assault if I had not replied to his email by Saturday afternoon agreeing to his version of events, I did not reply so where are the police?

It's hard deciding the next step but I think I may have an ace up my sleeve and now get the weekly overnight access and the holidays abroad I desire, if not there is always court.

I would report to police and let CPS deal with him and you then have the incident documented and there can be no arguing at a later date.

Your ex may be annoyed with you but it seems that she already realises it is her new fella that is at fault so let him take the earache and you have further ammunition.

I cant see that your ex or her fella are ever likely to do you a favour, could be wrong, and after what he said I think he deserves a lesson.

Sorry if I come across mean but what he did and said to you is realy distasteful.

Regards,

Dave

Totally agree Dave R he is an animal!

But I'm in the fortunate position of not being frightened or intimidated by thugs and I'm off the belief there is more than 1 way to skin a cat! I agree with you about the pressing charges but on the other hand I get on well with my ex's family and her son, plus long term I would like to get along (but I will never forgive her for the way she has acted) with my ex for my daughters sake.

As for the Animal I believe in Karma

Your right Dave he quite clearly dislikes me and the fact he wants me to confirm his version of events in an email so he can obviously show my ex proves he is obviously worried that she believes my version of events. For that reason alone there is no way he will be doing me any favours.

My ex on the other hand I think is cornered, she knows I will go to court so she has remained civil, in fact very civil since the incident, I think the lack of marks on him and the state of my eyes are proof enough who assaulted who, we had agreed she would drop my daughter off at my parents on Sunday. Half an hour and a missed call later the phone goes and a clearly upset ex says your mum has to pick our daughter up from my house now. ( wonder if that's him and his control again?) I laughed and said not a problem.

She owes me no favours but on the other hand she has committed benefit fraud, received a large amount of money off me without paying tax on it and she knows how determined I am I will never loose my daughter.

I think I will see how my access increases over the next few weeks and if it doesn't I will consider pressing charges, I have been the police and decided that by pressing charges it may make the situation regarding more access difficult, but if access does not improve I will go the police and press charges, explaining the reason I didn't a few weeks ago was because I wanted to try to keep it civil, the email and photos plus the 2 police officers I spoken to should be proof enough.

I think he's very lucky that you have decided not to press charges, lets hope that things go your way and you get more contact. Although she doesn't want to do you any favours she is obviously mindful of what might happen if you choose to take it further.

If your Mum gets any kind of abuse or harassment when she picks up your daughter then I would report this to the police straightaway.

Good luck.

Thanks for the advice Jane.

My mum said she was the nicest she has ever been when my mum picked up and dropped of my daughter, she has remained civil with me but I will wait developments.

Had a interesting conversation with my Daughters mum today, basically I wanted to know why she let her new partner look after my Daughter overnight when she had never let me. Something she refused to comment on other than to say I don't want to talk about it. I decided it was best to leave this subject as my 1st overnight access starts next week.

I then broached the subject of the assault and my reasons for not pressing charges but actively encourage her new partner to press the fabricated charges against me. She says he wants to ( but she talks him out of it) I told her not to talk him out if it and take the matter to the police. She said no I don't want them involved.

I asked why he wants me to reply to his ridiculous e-mail accusations if not to give any credit to his made up version of events, she said its to prove things to me (comedy) anyway I laughed and left the subject after conformation my access will stay the same but this is the start of the overnight access.

Anyway I receive a text about 5 mins later saying she backs her new fella 100% (as you would expect) and I'm not welcome at the house until I agree to his version of events in writing. ( obviously I'm never going to admit to something I did not do.)

Well I think there lies her agenda, I agree with the ridiculous accusations so I can pick my daughter up easier from the house...... (I don't care if I have to pick her up in outamongolia as long as i see her) but obviously they then have the shoe on the other foot.

I'm stressed with the whole situation over the last 2 years, the fact women have all the rights and the law in this country is s**t but I'm not stupid.

Will keep you posted on developments.

I thought so! As I said in my previous post, asking you to write this letter was all about proving it to her initially, but now she sees it as a way to manipulate you....have your injuries become less visible? This might be why she feels more confident backing her partner, good job you took photos, I wouldn't reveal your hand to them. Have you thought anymore about pressing charges? Will your Mum continue to pick your little one up and is the writing of the letter now a bargaining tool for overnight stays?

Hi Nannyjane, yes my bruising has all but gone just a very faint yellow now. You can read her like a book. I don't think I will press charges now as nothing has changed in regards hours and she is being polite. The police said I have 6 months from date of incident to press charges so I will see how the land lies. My mum or others immediate family members who my Daughter is very close to will always pick up my Daughter so I'm lucky in that way, if they can't collect her my ex has agreed to meet me somewhere.

The letter is apparently needed so I can pick my daughter up from there house again (A likely story) to confirm his innocence and to ensure no violence occurs again, well It will never be written as I'm the victim here. As for overnight access nothing has changed it's starting next week and I will see how it develops.

I think the main threat was when I informed her I'm more than happy to go to court and even happier she is no longer entitled to legal aid (you told me this information) well I think it has been a game changer.

Thanks for your advice and listening.

...Well, roll on your overnighter! I'm sure you will have a wonderful time with your little princess! 🙂

After my daughter has been away for 2 weeks I finally had her again today and I was delighted as was my daughter, she was very excited to see me with lots of kisses and cuddles.

Anyway on to my issue, after being assaulted on my ex's door step by her new fella I am no longer welcome at there house, which is not an issue as I have family members to collect my daughter for me.

As my daughter had been away for 2 weeks I have booked myself 2 weeks holiday and asked my ex could I have my daughter as often as possible, usually I have her 4 days for 4 hours each week but over the next 2 weeks I'm having her 7 days each for 8 hours but not overnight which we agreed we would start after my daughter got back of her holiday. My daughter is away for 9 days again at the end of this period but as there is nothing I can do and I want my daughter to have holidays I just accept this.

Well my issue is my parents and sister are away next week so on 4 occasions I have no one to pick up my daughter and I'm not welcome at the house. So my ex said after having time to come up with some arrangements to collect our daughter and drop her off I only have myself to blame. I suggested that I would pick up my daughter with police presence as I am concerned for my safety and I sent an email proving to my ex that she agreed if a situation like this ever arose she would meet me in a neutral venue.

4 hours later and no reply until just now when she has sent me a text thanking me for sending her a birthday card last week!!!!!

What would you make of this? Do I force the issue of picking up my daughter when my family are away or do I wait for her to get back to
me?

If she gets back but the outcome is not what I want I.e I don't see my daughter when my family are away, is this the time I tell her I'm looking to progress matters and mediation is the only way forward.?

At this point I'm willing to go court and have a contact order drawn up so she can't mess me around as much.....

Regards Justme

I'm just hoping after having 2 years of regular contact (A minimum of 4 times a week) that this will be taken into account when or if I have to go to court, I will make it clear to the judge that after moving 8 miles to be a minute away from my daughter for the last 2 years after we split up that I am willing to move 8 miles again back to my home town as this is where my ex has now moved. By doing this I aim to ensure I can see my daughter as regularly as I always have and I will be able to pick her up after school etc.

My daughter is 3 and for the 1st year I was in a relationship with my ex so I seen my daughter almost daily even though we did not live together.

Have you not got a mutual friend that might help out with picking up and dropping off?

I think you could point out to her that as it was you who was assaulted you are not in the wrong and shouldn't be penalised. Could she not bring your daughter out to the car so that you don't have to call at the house?

I would push for a response from her....she needs to know that you are prepared to do whatever it takes to remain involved in your daughters life. and that it is your daughters right above all else that you are defending. Perhaps if you point out that you will go to mediation and ultimately court to ensure this happens, but that you really don't want to take that course of action, much better for her, for you and for your daughter that this is avoided. Parents who can get on for the sake of their children are saving their children from pain and anxiety in the future and if she loves her daughter unconditionally she should recognise this as the truth. Its not about point scoring or making it difficult for the other parent, its really all about what is best for the child.

Hi Nannyjane and thanks for the reply.

Unfortunately we do not have any mutual friends as over the course of our 8 year relationship she made it clear she did not like any of my friends or there partners. There is one mutual friend but this person does not know my daughter and I would not want my daughter to go with a stranger.

I am not welcome at the house so our original arrangement was for her to meet me in a neutral location if my parents or other family members could not pick up my daughter. I have text proof of this agreement and have forwarded it to her but she has decided to go back on our agreement.

She obviously believes her new boyfriend and his account off what happened when I was assaulted (which in fairness she has to) I'm confused by her polite texts and conversation when we bump into each other in public without her current boyfriend, on the other hand her e-mail communications are very well worded (I don't believe the grammar and tone of e-mail is all her own doing)

I considered that a police presence might be a way forward when I collect my daughter but long term I think this may make matters worse. I have decided on a strategy but don't want to broadcast it here just in case.

Regards Justme