I'm not sure if this is the right subgroup in the forum, but I'm wondering if there are any other dads on here who are finding the whole thing a bit too much. Most the posts I'm reading on here seem to relate to relationship break ups and custody issues, so I feel like a total [censored] having this kind of an issue, but I'm hoping I'm not alone.
Basically I have a son with my wife (our son pe-dates the marriage, which was quite recent) and we have another child on the way. I am a very hands on father, but I'm so tired that I'm grumpy ALL THE TIME and am finding it really hard to enjoy the company of my family. I'm sure I'm making it horrible for them also, and I really don't know if it's as simple and natural as the change in our circumstances making me feel this way, or that I just don't want to be a husband or a father and I'd rather live my life as selfishly as I was able to when I was single.
I really don't know what to do. I've tried speaking to my wife but it's a fine line between saying I'm struggling and making her think it's her fault. I'm sure the rational advice is to "man up" but who wants rational advice? Much better to wallow in my own self-pity and alienate those around me who love me the most, right?
Seriously though, if anyone has any thoughts or can relate to any of this it would be great to hear back.
Hi There,
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I think there are times when everyone feels this way, life gets too you and you feel you are the only one going through it, Your wife probably feels low and down at times, maybe they are shorter times for her though.
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I think if you are feeling low and thinking that you would rather be alone than with her, then discussion with her is the best way forward, whether that is just 1-2-1 or some sort of counselling only you can decide.
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It could even be as simple as you need some time for yourself, I know that at times, I can feel low, I spend all week at work (as does my wife) and then on the weekends I spend most of my time running here there and every where for my stepson and wife, it can sometimes feel very one sided, and I feel put out that actually I'd like to do something for me, rather than for them, I'm not saying on my own, but something they could come along too, but they don't have any interests in the sort of things I'd like to do, so we muddle on.
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I don't know if anything I've said is of any help or just me waffling Lol
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GTTS
Hello dadman9,
I think you have answered your own question as to why you feel as you do. You say quote, "I'm so tired that I'm grumpy ALL THE TIME ".
Tiredness affects our mental and physical health, it can stop us functioning properly on a daily basis and be the cause of problems in relationships.
I personally think a visit to your G.P. explaining how tired you feel and the effect it is having on you is the first step to take. If after that your tiredness continues, I think then is the time to look at other options to solve your problem but not before you have seen your doctor.
Please do not under estimate the havoc lack of sleep can cause.
I just wanted to endorse MotherofaFather's advice. If you are permanently tired you need to see a doctor to at least ensure there is not a medical reason for it.
I noticed you also mentioned you are a hands on dad, I was very much like this, from helping out during the night when our daughter would cry most of the night and my wife would wake me up when she was exhausted, to letting my meals go cold so my wife could eat hers in peace. While we live in a society which believes the needs of the children comes first we often overlook or even deny that putting the children's need first sometimes means putting the needs of the parent/s or carers first.
When my wife used to wake me up I found the experience unpleasant, after all who wants to be woken up in the middle of the night and have a screaming baby shoved into their arms, so after ensuring that her nappy was clean and she was comfortable I would put her down and go make myself a coffee. It was only after I made the coffee and given myself time to wake up I would then deal with her.
In this respect I would also agree with got-the-tshirt, you need to make time for yourself. I would go a little further and say that you should also ensure you wife regularly gets time to herself as well as finding time for you both together.
The only piece of advice I would add is try and avoid making life changing decisions before you have sorted out the tiredness that you could regret later.
"Most the posts I'm reading on here seem to relate to relationship break ups and custody issues, so I feel like a total [censored] having this kind of an issue, but I'm hoping I'm not alone."
No you are not alone, but if you don't sort things out you could find yourself posting on here about splitting up and having access problems. On the bright side you have at least recognised there is a problem and reaching out. I wish I had found somewhere like this where I could have talked about things with other fathers when our daughter was younger.