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I have been with my partner now for nearly 6 years, when we met she had two children from different fathers, the eldest (C) sees his father once a year if he's lucky and the youngest(M), at the time, 16 months, had a sperm donor that had never so much as bother to look at him.
My partner had (before we met) applied for child maintainance for 'M' which she had never heard back from , taking into account that M will be turning 7 in June this has been a long time coming but according to a letter received today,her request has been accepted and she will now be receiving £25 a week from Mr sperm donor.
Obviously in the time time between these two events I have gradually became a very proud father to the two of them, working to support their needs as well as my partners thus growing into a well rounded self-sustaining family. I hope that people can understand when i say this money to me is blood money, i dont need it, i don't want it, i dont want my kids to have it and i don't want my partner to have it - but it turns out, that dispite my partners minor protests, she is not allowed to reject this money, or so she tells me, does anyone know any way round this to get this cancelled as I do not want a penny off this idiots (insert your own expletives here)'s money.
Not only do I not want his money through the shear principle of the matter but also on the matter of future adoption, when me and my partner can finally afford to get married I will be able to formerly adopt my children, touch wood, wouthout any hiccups, BUT if he is paying money i feel it could go against me.
Somebody please give me advice although I am suppost to be working right now i am finding it somewhat hard to concentrate.
Hi Savage,
It can be tough, especially when you've done all the bringing up and providing for your boys. But just because Mr Sperm Donor pays his £25 a week doesn't take anything away from you in terms of what you have brought to these 2 boys lives. Also, if for some reason M does get in contact with this guy at say, 18 or so, at least Mr SD wont be able to tell M that he was "never allowed" to provide for him, or that he tried and you stopped it. I know it's really hard because it brings back all those thoughts about them not being yours biologically etc (or at least it does for me) but I truly believe it'll stop problems in the future.
If money isnt an issue for you guys why not stick it in an account and save it up til he's 18. That way it doesnt need to interfere with your household income too much and the lad will have a nice nest egg when he leaves school for driving lessons or uni or whatever else he wants at the time
I know it's maybe not the advice you were asking for but it's just a thought....
Hi Savage
I agree with Basdad - I can understand they way you feel, but in these times, you never know what is ahead, so put the money into an account, or in premium bonds and keep it for when your children are older - you could share it out between them when they go to college/university etc. It won't make the slightest bit of difference to your application to adopt so don't reject the money for this reason.
If you are really determined that your children and partner don't have this money, then donate an equivalent amount to charity - that way it can be doing some good.
Hey Savagesquirrel,
I'm with the other two on this one, totally understand how you are feeling but no one will ever take away your being 'dad' to these kids!
On the money my understanding would be that you can 'reject' it unless you are claiming certain benefits - but if you need more advice on this one check out our partners Child Maintenance Options and maybe give them a call? You can find more info here http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/child-maintena ... troduction However, I like the other guys suggestion of sticking the money in an account and sharing it out at 18?
In terms of adoption, if the birth father has Parental Responsibility (see http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/further-inform ... gle/page-3 for more info and some factsheets you can download), any application would have to consider his views - however if he hasn't been involved in the child's life - or even seem them - its highly unlikely this would have much impact on the outcome.... Paying £100 a month because the CSA have threatened you with legal action is not exactly high on the commitment scale in the eyes of most judges I've come across!
Hope this is helping get you focused back on work??
\ Buzz
I really appreciate your responses, so a big thank you to you all, I have managed to get over the initial shock of it and try to digest this as a sane person lol -
My partner is under the impression that this is to be paid as Mr SD has, for the first time in his 25 or so years got a job, she also thinks that the fact he has 2 other kids to a different women who he raised for 2 years and then dropped them like hot potatos - will have also requested maintainance for her two children thus leave him so broke he'll quit and we go back to our lives.
Should we keep receiving the money I could just blow it all on the Lottery each week with a pound of my own money so if we win not only will my family be set for life but and I can say it was my pound that did it lol
Again I really appreciate the reply's hope you all have a good day.
Should we keep receiving the money I could just blow it all on the Lottery each week with a pound of my own money so if we win not only will my family be set for life but and I can say it was my pound that did it lol
I'd put it in premium bonds instead - will build up a 'college fund' while still having the opportunity to have a big win. And you don't need to add £1 - it would be your decision where to spend it that did it, not his money. 🙂
I'd put it in premium bonds instead - will build up a 'college fund' while still having the opportunity to have a big win.
I like this idea - if you don't need/want to use the maintenance then save it for the kids.
Not to gloat but the useless (Expletive!) has quit his job so will no longer be submitting any contributions to my family, but thank you all for you advice which I have taken and have setup premium bonds that 'I' will pay into for my children 🙂 )
Hi
He should still be paying the minimum £5 per week if he is on benefits - that's still £260 of premium bonds each year.
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