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I spoke to my daughter this evening and she told me that she asked her mother if she could come and see me this evening but told me that her mother said no and "was unkind".
I would like to arm my daughter with a sutable response that she can give her mother, and grandparents who are there, when this is said again.
Regards,
Dave
Hi Dave,
As much as I understand how this makes you feel, the mother is behaving really badly, but I don't think it's right to arm your daughter with a response. For her sake you must be the bigger person and not involve her. She will know that things aren't very good between you and her mother so you can just be truthful about that in a gentle way, and reassure her that it isn't her fault.
If you speak to anyone it should be the mother, and that might be better done through her solicitor by letter, it's a way a recording the incident and having it as evidence to show her in her true light.
Hi Mojo
Thanks!
Yes I understand, its just so frustrating and even our daughter knows that she is being unkind.
I fear that I will just have to record it and bring it up later as my solicitor is retecent to bring up things like this and feels its better to concentrate on the bigger picture but I feel that there is already a lot of what he considers small potatoes like this that have happened.
I will speak with my solicitor specificaly about this incident and see what he says.
Regards,
Dave
Hi Dave,
I agree with Mojo's sentiment, but I do think that a shift in the question might help. What you can do is to help her to have the language to explain to her mother that she feels hurt by what her mother is saying (in any situation) without taking sides. It won't necessarily get a different answer, at least initially, but it might make your ex realise that her actions are hurting your daughter. You could try role play with your daughter to see if that helps. The aim is to build up your daughter's confidence to question unreasonable decisions (but also to accept 'defeat' gracefully) or to ask if they can talk about it another time. It could be a slow process but if your daughter can commuicate with your ex, then that's a long way forward.
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