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Hi all,
I'm in a bit of a tough spot and would really appreciate some help or advice whether you've been in this situation before or not.
I split from my ex this time last year, when she was 5 months pregnant, I'd realised over the months before hand that I was no longer in love with her, I didn't talk to her about it because as it was an issue inside me I thought I could deal with it, as it turns out I couldn't and knew we couldn't be happy together if. I knew staying together for the sake of a child is the wrong thing to do as they'd only end up getting hurt. I figured a child would be happier having 2 happy parents who live apart than 2 miserable ones that live together right?
We had been about to move into a cheaper place and as I didn't want her to have the stress of finding somewhere to live or having to move back into her parents and share a bedroom, I waited until we'd moved until breaking the news. As I was the sole earner I paid for everything for the first 3 months while living on various friends and families sofas. Once she received her maternity allowance we took that amount off my payments so I could find a place of my own. I've since realised that by doing so I took away her choice and this is part of the reason she's still angry. I still wanted to be as supportive as possible and went to every ante-natal appointment with her and was there at every stage of labour and the birth.
About 3 months afterwards I started seeing a woman who I am now living and very happy with. My ex has also said that she's never been happier and that me leaving has been really good for her character.
Things are amicable between us and I see my beautiful little boy 2 evenings a week and during the day on Sundays, but only at my ex's house. She says that she doesn't feel ready to leave him yet and that because she's got to get used to the idea of eventually not spending every weekend with him (when I have him) and that he'll be around my partner, (who she says she hates and can't respect because what sort of woman would get with a guy who had a child on the way,) that I have to let her decide when she's ready, ages of up to 2 years have been mentioned.
I don't think it's fair on my son to not be around me in my home environment for that long a time, as if he only comes when older he might not take to the change. Also I think I'm perfectly within my right to be able to see my son on my own as at the moment I can't take him out for the day on my own as my ex thinks that I'll secretly ring my girlfriend for her to meet him, which wouldn't happen.
If my ex still won't agree with a time that I can start gradually taking him for longer periods at the weekend then I think my only option would be to go to a mediator and possibly courts as most of my family haven't met him yet as they didn't know my ex that well even after 7 years together and they feel awkward coming to her house. I don't think it's fair that he should only know half his family, especially now he's getting to recognize people and form relationship.
Has anyone been through anything like this before and am I being unreasonable in wanting to start seeing my son alone and gradually introduce him to my partner?
Hi there and welcome 🙂
No its not unreasonable to want to have some quality time with your son away from his mother. Its his right to get to know all of his family and to be allowed to form bonds with them. However, this seems to be quite a common situation and is usually all about control.
It sounds as if you at least are able to communicate with her and so I would suggest you do try mediation. Heres a link ~
www.nfm.org.uk
It will give you the opportunity to talk through the issues with the guidance of a trained mediator, and hopefully come to an agreement that works for you both.
Good luck with it all 🙂
Also if your named on the birth certificate you have parental responsibilty and when your able to spend time on your own with your nipper it's none of your ex's business who the child is in contact with.
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