Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Up until yesterday everything was going alright (well, as alright as it can be) with the ex and seeing my daughter which thanks to the mint people on this board I now do as often as I can.
last night though my ex and her partner got a bit of a cob on about my girlfriend going out when my daughter's over. I can't control her and I don't wish to but I can see their point I guess.
they said that she shouldn't make any plans when "M" is there because she has a responsibility as a parent. I'm extremely proper with the fact that my daughter is not technically her responsibility now, while I would like her to not make any plans while Mollie's here (to appease the ex and also because Mollie wants her there) she isn't really happy with that idea and I can't force her.
I don't want to cause any extra tension between my ex and my partner or anything but I also know that they have issues with her going anywhere but right by my side when my daughter is over.
Has anyone experienced this type of controlling behaviour from exes? I know for a fact that they go out and from what I understand quite often too but they are clearly lying about not doing so.
Should I stop my partner from going out thus creating a rift in our relationship? I never thought I'd have to make a choice between my daughter or my girlfriend but it looks like I either roll over or continue to feel like [censored] and get given tonnes of [censored] for someone else's actions?
Any advice? I'm totally confused and quite upset but I can see her point however hypocritical it is.
Thanks,
Rik.
Hi Rik,
Firstly have edited your daughters name above, just in case you didn't mean to type it in full, hope that's ok.
I haven't experienced this before, Normally it's the ex's not wanting the new partner around.
Personally I wouldn't ask your girlfriend to do anything about going out unless it's something that bothers you.
It isn't down to your ex to stipulate what you do when you have your little girl let alone what your girlfriend does, If you allow her to do this then in my oppinion it will only be the start of what she ask's you to do.
Darren
we've literally just had a bit of an argument about this because I did tell her it bothers me a bit anyway because if she wants to be a part of my life I do feel she has to share in the responsibility of having a child in the house (which I think was fuelled by this) but I don't want to give in to my ex but I guess I'm still really scared of my ex because she calls all the shots and when she doesn't get her way my life is unbearable.
I can't call her because she's blocked me from her phone due to me wanting to talk to my daughter roughly every other day after school (keeping in contact) so she can decide when this happens which so far is never aside from one day a week. I see my daughter one weekend a month due to train fares being extortion and only being able to get one day off each month due to work, also, I don't drive to it takes 6 hours to pick her up and drop her off. I also get half holidays but now it's apparently not good because her little sister (not mine) misses her too much.
My point is, I appreciate that I can't keep bending over for her and her partner who also tried to tell us what to do! I mean, FFS. I'm a musician and this never co-incides with my daughter's time but it's something that makes me happy so immediately it's something I should stop doing! She moved my daughter 115 mile away for her own reasons but blames me for everything (I was a bit of a knob, so was she but she can do no wrong.
Is it something I can bring up at the next court hearing? Yes, I had to drag her to court to see my daughter as little as I do. I can't help but think if she actually moved back home then life would be a lot easier.
it might be worth bringing up incourt as i'd hope the judge would at least pass comment on the fact your ex doesn't have a say in what your partner does or doesn't do.
i'd probably explore your views on this more though, as it seems (and i may be wrong here) that you aren't happy about your partner going out when you have your daughter, have you discussed it with her from your own views rather than those of your ex?
I agree it's worth bringing up. I'd also raise the point about phone contact - I would suggest that you ask the court that you provide a mobile phone so you can ring her at prearranged times - it only ness to be a cheap pay as you go phone with minimal credit as it will be for receiving calls, and the cheap phones tend to have a very long standby time.
Thanks guys,
I've spken to the ball an' chain and she's going to try harder to make plans around Mollie which I actually initially had an issue with but I never addressed it which is my bad. Either way, contact is still regular even if I can't call most days I have got an old mobile with a PAYG sim that i'm going to suggest stays with mum and arrange times ad-hoc depending on what she's doing in the evening as I don't want to interrupt her day-to-day with her sister.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
