[Solved] Denied access by my ex

Hi
Please don’t worry you are in the right place for advise. Are you on the birth certificate and do you have parent responsibility.
Do you think it’s because you are in a new relationship and were you having them before this happened

I am on both the birth certificates, I was getting them before I told her about my new relationship. She's currently in touch with a solicitor, which I cant afford. Its not because of the new relationship, its because she thinks she can demand what she wants, and I cant see a way out.

Well first there is a way out, so don’t worry but be prepared for a battle so to speak. I wouldn’t refuse any access she gives you how ever small at the moment as any is better then none , hopefully when she has been to a solicitor he will advise her to let you have contact , How much contact were you getting, have you been split up long

I was getting once a fortnight minimum plus whenever I could get up there as its over 150 miles away. We broke up in August, so about 3 months. Its a long way to travel for a couple of hours in the afternoon and due to the amount of money I give for the children cannot afford to keep it up.

Hi Liamsdad and welcome.

As the children are 4 and 1 and you are on the birth certificates, you already have parental responsibility.

You have only been seperated a short while and it will still be raw, especially as you are in a new relationship.

How do you and your ex communicate? Is it by phone, txt or email? You need to start keeping a record of all conversations with times and dates and dont delete any txts or emails. If you do have to go to court, then this will be helpful. If you dont think you can get a firm agreement with her for regular contact, then the next step is to go to mediation. This is where you will both sit down with a trained mediator and try and reach an agreement that works for both of you, and of course what's best for the children. If this is unsuccessful then the next step is court. The courts will expect you to have exhausted all other avenues before asking for their intervention.

There is a charge for Mediation unfortunately. If you self represent yourself throughout the whole process it will cost you hundreds, as opposed to thousands if you use a solicitor.

If I were you I would google the CSA calculator and use it to see how much you would pay if you were using CSA. If there is a big difference in your ex's favour, this may give you some bargaining power.

You could try talking this through with your ex. Tell her that you take your responsibilities as a father seriously and you will do whatever it takes to be a part of their lives. Assure her that you dont want to go to court, but if you are left no alternative then you will, for the sake of your children...the courts are there to do what is best for the children, and they believe firmly that what is best is having both parents in the childrens lives.

Have an idea of the amount of contact you would like so that you can be specific. As there is quite a distance to travel, it might be an idea to ask for fortnightly, overnight stays at the weekend, and time during the summer holidays, Christmas and Easter.

If you take a look at the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle Section...one is about Representing yourself in Court and the other is the Contact Order C100 Guide. You will find some excellent information in both and it will help you to prepare if you need to go to court.

Have a look at nfm.org.uk .....This is National Family Mediation website, and dont feel intimidated by the fact that you wont have a solicitor, there are lots of Dads that have represented themselves and been successful.

Good luck with everything and if you need any help with anything just ask, you are amongst friends here, who understand how you're feling and what you're going through.

Thank you very much. I am working my way through it all now. Will be in touch if I have any problems.

Is it right that I dont get access because I left the home? I left an unhappy marriage, which was loveless and was starting to affect the kids. I swore I would never abandon my kids and I wont. But she is telling me her solicitor said I have no leg to stand on because I left. She said PR went out the window when I left, is this right? Please, Im starting to worry again, I cant lose my boys.

....No it isn't right. You have PR and that cant be taken away from you because you left. Neither can the right to see your children. As you say, you left because it was beginning to affect the childrens well being, thats called putting the children first.

Try not to worry, if her solicitor said that you dont have a leg to stand on, then they dont know what they're talking about... But its more likely she's just trying to wind you up. Dont take the bait!

She’s lying; no way would a solicitor say that. You have parent responsibility and have every right to see your children, maybe not in the house as this would be a bit tense at the moment.
Nannyjane gave you great advice and what to do. I would write your ex a letter and post it to her solicitor, don’t go round there as this may give her more ammunition and she may say you have been threatening her. Ask her to please let you have contact, having no contact is not in the best interest of the children and it’s the children that matter.
If you don’t get contact , please do not delay, fill in a c100 you can get the forms of the internet , it costs £200 on this form it will ask you what you are applying for and its contact, there’s a section where you get to explain what’s happened and why contact as stopped and what you want the court to do , it takes about 6 weeks to get a date and usually they will resume contact at the first short hearing till the next hearing if it cant be resolved at that one. Your ex is being a typical woman who’s angry, fighting with the only thing she knows will really hurt you. You could try setting up a mediation meeting, as the courts will ask if you have done this and you have to have a good reason why you have not tried this route, its not cheap, it can cost up to £100 per session. If you don’t attend you will have to fill in a fm1 form and send that with the c100 to the nearest court your children live near , if you are entitled to legal aid all this is free.

...ak57 is right, dont go round to the house whilst all this ill feeling is flying about. The letter to the solicitor requesting contact with the children is a good idea too. You could also ask if your ex would agree to attending Mediation to try and sort contact out amicably, as this would be best for the children. At the end of the letter give them a length of time to respond, 7 or 14 days is usual, and say that if you havent heard anything by that date then you will have no choice but to apply to court for resumption of contact. Dont forget to keep a copy of the letter and send it recorded delivery.

Thank you both. I will write the letter today and will send it. I will let you know the outcome.

Hello again,

My access was granted by my ex, but she turned more evil than ever over a few weeks. Then 2 days ago she attacked me in front of my 2 children, I informed the police and she has fluttered her eyelids and given a sob story, as well as lied to them in a bid to get away with it. She has also stopped my access again so I have began the court proceedings to be granted access. What can I do about the verbal and physical assaults that have been happening over the months as this is having a huge affect on my children. I want to go for custody as this is a form of emotional abuse to my kids but not sure if I have a case. She also told my eldest (who's 4) to punch my girlfriend in the face. She needs to be punished for this kind of disgusting behaviour and I fear for my childrens welfare and safety, what can I do??

I'm not sure whether you'd have a great chance of success for residence (though that doesn't mean you should rule it out) - are the children being reasonably cared for when you're not around - if so, then the courts would probably be reluctant to move them from where they are at the moment, it's not a decision they take lightly.

If yo are going for a contact order enforcement, it might be worth considering whether there is any arrangement whereby you don't have to have direct contact with your ex (contact centres can be used for handover if they agree to it). It's worth recording your contact with your ex - I believe this can be used as evidence, it's only where the recordings are made of phone conversations that the recordings may not be admissable.