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Hi all.
I'm a new member here and hope you can help! (posted hello in the new member section 😉 )
I have a gorgeous baby bay Jack who was born by emergency cesaerean on 21.10.2010.
All healthy no problems.
It has been a long road to get to this stage this being our 5th attempt at IVF.
Jack got re-admitted into hospital after 3 days at home (5 days old) as he had lost nearly 17% of his body weight. It turns out that he was not getting enough milk from the breast. He had to hav his feed supplimented with a nasogastric tube as he was on a strict volume per day.
He is home now and turning into a little milk monster gaining weight as he should.
The problem is with me..... I seem to feel so upset all of the time, frequently bursting into tears. I feel constantly sick, have lost my appetite and feel that I cannot cope. I seem to feel a bit better when other people, family etc are around.
Both my wife and midife, nurses etc say I'm doing a great job and that I am very hands on with Jack. Why do I then feel like I'm not doing enough?
I love my wife and love Jack and feel lucky to have them both, so don't really understand why I feel like this 🙁
I have made an appointment to see my GP tomorrow, but am a bit concerned that they will just prescribe me something...
Sorry to post a deppressing early post.
It would be great to know that I'm not alone, and maybe some other Dads have gone through the same thing.
Thanks in advance 😥
Hi Jacksdad,
It does sound like you are suffering from depression like symptoms. Which to be honest would be normal with all you have gone through over the last few weeks. Its normal for dads to feel a bit like a fifth wheel at first when a new baby arrives. Everyones attention is aimed (as it should be) at mum and baby - dads can feel very pushed to one side. Add to that all that you have gone through to get to this point (IVF, Jacks hospitalisation) what should be the happiest period in your life has been far more stressful than it should have been. I would imagine that you have also been trying to be strong for your partner and bottling up a lot of emotions ?
It's ok to feel down and low.You'll be surprised how many men suffer from depression to some degree after the birth of a child. The important thing is that you are seeing your GP, which is exactly the right thing to do. Most men don't ask for help when they most need it and find that things could get worse.
Have a look at the article Chased by the black dog on the site, its about male depression.
Have you taken paternity leave ? It may be worth considering it if you haven't - feeling how you do and working at the same time might not be a great idea. A break to spend some time with your partner and jack may be just what you need.
If you need to chat come back to the site, we'll be more than happy to listen and offer advice or just "tea and sympathy". Whatever you need mate.
If you don't want a in the open discussion, you can always PM me.
hang in there and don't beat yourself up - these feelings are normal.
Gooner.
Hi Goonerplum.
Thanks very much for the kind words, it means a lot 🙂
I am on paternity leave until the 15th Nov. I got two weeks pat leave and took an extra weeks holiday.
I will see what the doctor says tomorrow and be back in touch.
Hopefully they will be able to offer some help or advice
I think there is a lot of stigma about taking pills for depression, and there shouldn't be, especially if it a short term and managed solution.
I never went through what you are going through, so I may simply have been lucky - but sounds to me like you are a caring dad and husband, who has had far more to cope with than many new dads. I agree with gooner completely - keep in touch on here and we'll help as much as we can 🙂
Thanks.
Been to see the GP today.
Wife had a blood test at the same time as she lost quite a bit during cesaerean, so she came in with me.
As soon as he asked me how he could help I burst into tears!
Explained about the background of IVF and Jack being re-admitted etc. Told him the symptoms, constantly worried that I cant cope, worried about finances, that I just want to curl up and go to sleep.
He asked me how much sleep I was getting. 4-5 hours a night which under the circumstances I thought was not bad! He reckons that is not nearly enough.
I also told him that I was concerned that I wasn't bonding with Jack. He replied that he didn't until his son was about 9 months old!
He basically said that he didn't think it was depression, and that I was physically and emotionally exhausted and that I looked awful!
He spoke to wife about how she was coping to which she quite rightly said that she was fine.
Doc said that if I don't nip this in the bud then it was a slippery slope and could quite easily lead to depression 🙁
What he prescribed was sleeping tablets. He said that I need at least three nights uninterrupted nights sleep.
I was instantly worried about this as didn't want to leave wife to do all the night feeds.
She was quite happy about it though and encouraged me to take the prescription.
Making up the spare bed later and going to give it a go 😕
He wants to see me again in a week.
He was very understanding and said that was I was experiencing wasn't unusual.
Maybe there's hope yet!!!! 😆
Yep, there's lots of hope, and what's nice is that your wife is supporting you - sounds like you are both lucky to have each other
That's great news - make sure you get the sleep and see how things go.
Really made up for you mate.
Gooner
Glad you got some help. Now hopefully you can get some sleep and then enjoy being a dad.
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