[Solved] Downtime coming home from work

I do everything I can to get home at 5:30 or 6, but primarily to then do bath time & stories with my kids. It's my "quality" time with the kids! 😉
So I the only break I get is on the train home. However after they have gone to bed I do need to STOP...

I like to have 20 minutes to sit down with a cup of tea and just switch off. Stopping for a few minutes helps to change roles and stops me becoming resentful. After that I'm happy enough to spend all evening bathing, reading, supporting homework etc 😀

I must admit a train journey would be quite nice. I have to drive home, which can be quite intense, and if I where to get home too much after 6 and then have a break, the kids would be in bed before I had a chance to interact with them.

Maybe I just need to tell my boss I'm leaving at 4:30 from now on!! 😉

I like to have 20 minutes to sit down with a cup of tea and just switch off. Stopping for a few minutes helps to change roles and stops me becoming resentful. After that I'm happy enough to spend all evening bathing, reading, supporting homework etc 😀

Doof, I agree with you. I think I need to be able to change roles. It's not that I don't want to read, play, support the kids etc. I just want to give them the best, rather than an I've just come home from work attitude.

Been there, done that! For many years I used to come home and find exactly this contention. I found that the train journey home somehow wasn't enough to unwind. My wife and I came to an agreement that I could have 20 minutes with a cup of tea when I got in before diving into kids stuff.

It's hard though, for both sides to see what it's like for the other. But the good thing is that it doesn't last for ever. As the kids get older it becomes less of a problem.

It's one of the many areas that needs a bit of give & take. I'm usually zonked when I get home from work, so being greeted by "dadeeeee" and being jumped on when I get through the door isn't ideal, but I consider it part of the job. However, I do prefer some space before my wife brain-dumps all her ideas, plans and other things which just wouldn't fit in my brain at that point. Multi-tasking isn't my ... oh what's on TV ...

I like walking in a winding the kids into a freezy some days!! Such fun 😆

There is nothing like that walking in and your son or daughter run to greet you. If someone could bottle that feeling i would buy it.... 😎 ) Makes you feel special 😀

I like walking in a winding the kids into a freezy some days!! Such fun 😆

You mean there are days when they're not already in a frenzy? 😮

There is nothing like that walking in and your son or daughter run to greet you. If someone could bottle that feeling i would buy it.... 😎 ) Makes you feel special 😀

True, so true. Although some days I wonder ... my wife's had them the whole day (those not at school), and yet it's so exciting that Daddeeee is home ...

The 'dadee' is the best - and since I do bath time and stories, I'm "allowed" to wind them up into a frenzy (which is great - actually something I can't help doing... 😉 ) ... Although no. 3 needs some quiet at about that time...

Maybe I just need to tell my boss I'm leaving at 4:30 from now on!! 😉

I did - she didn't like it but my wife was suffering from post natal depression at the time. I get in at 8 and leave at 4.30 so i'm home by 5 to play with the kids whilst the wife cooks tea... i can't tell you wnat a differance it has made.

I think it sould be the right of every dad with a pre school kid to leave work at 4.30pm - i'm being serious!

Apparently, if you have children under six years old, you have a legal right to request flexible working. Get yourself home a bit earlier, or perhaps (seeing as email, computers and technology makes things so portable these days -we generally work in cyber-space) see if you can work from home? Although, that may make things harder. Being a freelance journalist, i have to work in the shed just to get some quiet!

The other side of it, though -and I hate to sound like a woman- is that being at home with young kids is incredibly tough. The idealist viewpoint would say that it's all about daytime TV, playing with the children and pottering around the house before popping down to a sociable parent and toddler group. We all know it's not like that though! You've probably heard it from your wife (I know I hear it from mine every day) but she is at work too. Those kids and balancing the house duties and meal making -and just the NOISE dammit! It's very intense and doesn't let up! Consider why your wife wants to sit at the computer while your kids still have energy to run to the front door shouting 'DADDEEEE!' -those little critters just don't stop until you read them a story and put them in bed. Even then..

I'm aware I've sort of taken the female point of view, which may get me hanged -dunno what you're all like yet.

What it comes down to, though, is the perception that each of you have about each others day. She thinks you're in an office, sneaking in an internet browsing session, before getting another coffee and having 'just a chat' with the new receptionist -y'know, the one with the see-through blouse! And it may be true to say that you don't appreciate how intense her day may be if you think that YOU are the one that needs to unwind -up until you walk in the door, does she have any unwind time? It's fair to say she's been 'on the go' for as long as you have! What would she give for a quiet train or car ride.

[censored], you'd think my wife had hijacked my forum account, wouldn't you? It would seem I'm speaking as much to myself as I am to you...in fact that's very true.

chrisgoodjourno - glad we could be of counsel!!??

It is a difficult one isn't it, sometimes when you get to the door you wonder what you might find! Someone once asked me if i 'save anything' for when i get home - or just give it all to my employer... when he put it like that it seemed so obvious but yet so often we give the best to work and then are ko'd when we get home.... When i sit back i know i'd prefer to give the best at home.... it actually means something whereas sometimes i wonder with work....

I like your empathy think though man - looking at it from the other persons perspective.... You know i think it's partly because men and women are wired differently that we look at it in such different ways.... i think a woman wants to know we love her, whereas we want to know she respects us.... and it kinda reminds me of an assembly at school where this guy visited 'heaven' and '[censored]'... he went to [censored] first and there was food galore but everyone was starving... when he asked he was told you could only eat by using a 4 foot fork and since no-one had arms that long no-one could get the food in their mouths... anyway then they went to heaven where again the same food but everyone looking healthy.... they said to the guide 'no 4ft forks here then?', but to their surprise the guide said yes, but here people use the forks to feed each other....

I know sappy story but just came to mind and i suppose illustrates my point (again like you i am talking mostly to myself).... feed your partners needs and somehow she feeds yours....

Anyway enough contempation.. on with tea time!!

Cheers - Ron

PS Come on you Reds.... the quadruple is coming