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Hi , can anyone help?
I split from my ex over 3 and a half years ago and after the early problems of sorting CSA out etc the last couple of years have settled right down and we have all got into a routing of knowing when we all see each other...
My lad is now 12 and my daughter is 8.
In the early days my access was every other weekend to sleep.This was picking my children up on a Friday and taking them home on a Sunday night. (2 nights sleeping).I also see them every Wednesday from School until the evening.
In December 2007 my daughter mentioned that she didnt like the long time that she didnt see me from the Wednesday to the following Weds.
I sat down with my ex and we agreed that I would now have access each weekend for one night each week.
We agreed upon me having them sleep over on a Friday to Saturday night.Then the following week to sleep from the Saturday to the Sunday night.
From then on there was an amazing improvement in my children and to be honest its been amazing!!!
Now, the problems begin...
I dropped my children home tonight and my ex passed a note to my lad who passed it to me outside.
It read:
"Can you start having kids every other weekend starting this Friday please, thank you"
I insisted I spoke to her so asked her to come to the door.
She said she wanted it to be how it was before.
I said that I didnt want to change anything as it was my kids who didnt like the long time gap between Wednesdays and that I also didnt like the gap.
She just left the door and went back into the living room.
I said bye to my kids and I could see they were not happy when i left.
When I got home i phoned their mobiles and tried to explain the situation and they both insist they like it like it is.
What do i do?
Maybe need to add here that I believe her new man who she met middle of last year could be quite jealous as me and my ex were getting along fine up until he met me ex.
Maybe this is another subject totally but he has a child to someone else and doesnt see him hardly at all.
My ex went from being so caring and trying to work the chilrens stuff out with me to someone who does not even speak to me at all!!!
Tonight was the first time ive seen her face to face for about 6 months, no lie!
Maybe ive gone off subject a touch so back to the original point...
If im not happy and my children are not happy then can my ex actually do anything?
Hi Dean
We took you post to our partners over at the Childrens Legal Centre and asked them to make some comments. Here is what they said.......
It appears that the contact you are having is agreed between you and your children's mother. Any contact that is agreed is not legally binding and therefore can be changed at any time without your consent.
Contact is the right of your children, however when it is felt children are not able to make these decisions themselves the ability to control contact falls to the resident parent (the parent with whom the children live).
The resident parent is able to control all contact and can change times, make contact supervised and stop contact all together if they believe it is appropriate. The resident parent should be reasonable and make the decisions based on what is best for the children, but this does not always happen and they are able to change contact as they wish.
You stated that your children are unhappy about the contact being changed, as are you. The resident parent is able to decide whether or not to involve the children in this decision until they are old enough to make the decision themselves.
At present you can not change the times the mother has allowed you without negotiating with her. If she refuses to negotiate the matter then the next step for you is to offer her mediation, you should make this offer in writing and ask her to attend with you.
The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610. Mediation is used to try and help parents agree on suitable arrangements for their children. An agreement made will not be legally binding, but can be used in court to show intention if it is breached, and the court will be pleased that you have tried to resolve matters before making an application to them for contact. Even if your ex partner refuses to attend, this suggestion will show that you are trying to act reasonably and resolve matters as amicably as possible.
If mediation is unsuccessful, or your ex partner refuses to attend then the only option you will have will be to apply to court for a contact order. You are able to do this yourself or using a solicitor. You can find a solicitor in your local area by visiting www.lawsociety.org.uk and using their find a solicitor option.
If you choose to represent yourself in court then you should visit www.hmcs.gov.uk and download forms C100, CB1 and CB3 from the forms and guidance section. The C100 form is the application for the order and must be filed at court, and the other two forms are guidance on completing, filing and serving the application and anything else you must do. There is a filing fee of £175.
The matter will then go to court and your ex partner will be present as a respondent to your application. There may be several court hearings for you to attend. The judge will listen to all the facts and will decide whether or not to grant an order based on what he believes to be in the best interest of your children.
There is an assumption that contact with both parents is always best for a child, and there has to be very serious reasons for the court to go against this, especially with children of this sort of age who already have a good relationship with you.
If a court order is put in place it will be legally binding, and the mother will be required to allow you contact on the times stated, if she does not then she will be breaching the order which can amount to contempt of court and her being penalised if you apply for the order to be enforced.
We hope this information is useful to you. Should you require any further advice please contact our Child Law Advice Line on 0845 120 2948.
Kind Regards -Children's Legal Centre
We hope that this information is helpful - do let us know how things go, i'm sure alot of other dads on the site will be interested to know.
all the best buddy.
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