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Not sure if this is the right place to post but needed to put a voice out there.
i split from my controlling ex in Dec 2009 after she finally broke the last straw on my back.....we'd been together 5 yrs....and for the most part of them she was controlling and manipulative.....if i didn't do things her way when she wanted she kicked off like a spoilt brat....no it wasn't like that for the first 18months or so i'll grant you...and by that time i'd fallen in love with her.....i was going to spilt with her in Dec 2006 but decided before Xmas was not the best of times.....i found out she was pregnant in Jan 2007.....and she seemed to change so i gave it a chance..........however in Aug 07 things started to concern me about how she was being with my family. (good decent people).
late Sept 2007 my son was born....and from the 2nd day in hospital things started with her n my family...she asked the nurses to tell my folks not to pick up their grandchild unless offered by her!!! 🙁 ( the nurse suggested i go along with her as it could be the early stage "baby blues"......
well.......2yrs 3 months of her continual controlling of me...my sons grandparents and enoughs enough......i told her in Nov 09 i was leaving her....told her to put the house up for sale....early Dec 09 i gave her a letter containing the date of 28th Dec that i would be leaving the house....i had the week off work so could move my stuff out to lodge with my brother...
hassle n arrogance by her inssued for another few weeks.....
she refused to let me spend any time with my son to get him used to being with me.....
26th Dec 2009 i snapped.....never hit her but tried to stop her from taking my son away so that his grand parents couldn't spend Xmas time with him.....they had an hour on Xmas day to bring his presents to us.....they brought some but not all...as we had planned to visit them boxing day...as seems to be normal with most families i know.
she decided it wasn't going to happen....i tried to put my foot down n got pushed into the breakfast bar...hurting my kidney area of my back.....i tried to stop her passing and pick my son up cos his arms were outstrectched to me......she wouldn't let me n screamed as i grabbed her by the shoulder.......i never hit her....(maybe had i done she'd be vindicated in her actions since i walked out)......the police turned up 5mins later and i was arrested then cautioned for ABH....she lied to them saying i'd punched her in the face....no marks or brusing so how could they take her seriously.....cos she lied n kept lying.......trust me being 6'2" tall...17 1/2stone and doing Karate with a black belt 1st dan up to 21yrs old i know how to throw a punch...had i really done that day she would not have called the police for quite a while!!! not a threat just trying to explain a point.....bitter?....yes i am...very!
what to do now......been all year seing my son at her times and when she says....i asked for a full day with him....i got 7hrs 9am-4pm once a week 🙁 ( she thinks reasonable......i didn't and neither did my solicitor so applied to court for a court order in Sept 2010....she got the dates through in NOv and kicked off big style.....21st nov was the last full day i had with my son......18th Dec after court she let me have a day....but 3hrs boxing day.....and then nothing since........she thort i'd back down n give in.....i've not......this is my sons welfare and he needs his daddy in his life.......she cut all contact since then.
she has now lied to court saying that my son told her i hit him.......threw him to the floor anf locked a door on him......this is not true.....the fact is he's never been bad or played me up....he's a pleasure to be with....plus...where she claims this happened is all open plan and with my parents! she's a liar!!! and has just made another hurddle that will cost me yet more legal fees to try n get through.
Cafcass are preparing a report to the courts....however she's still refusing to them to let me have even contact center contact...unless i do it at a place that charges £40 for 2hrs per week....money that she knows full well i do not have.....i can't afford the legal bills so far....my parents are using their retirement fund to help me until my house sells.
i'm going out my mind with worry about not seeing my son for another month or more......horror stories around the fathers websites say several years.........what damage is she doing to my son? does she care about him really? NO!!! this is all an all out attack at me cos i left her.....not cheated on her....just left her to have quality time with my son with out being controlled as to what n where we go.
I just want to be able to be a father to my son like mine was to me......my hero......my guiding mentor in life. i still hold the respect for my father as i did as a child.....i just want to be there for my son.......why can't she drop the trying to hurt me....its working yes...but she's ultimately going to hurt my son!
Will the courts stop her? i'm not religious but have started praying every day.
If you got to the bottom of this then i'm sorry to ramble on so long....but i needed to vent off.
Thanks.
Hi
I'd like to say it gets better,it did'nt for me hence the long wait.... But never give up never lose hope and never loose touch no matter how short the visits they are better than none.
I can't really give you any advice on what to do I know how you feel and i really wish you all the very best for you and your son.
Hi
I'm sorry to hear about this situation. Sounds like you ex is very bitter and is using access to your son as way of getting back at you,not putting your son's needs above her own - unfortunately this is all too common. I'm sorry too that she has made these abuse accusations against you.
I hope that the Cafcass reports come through quickly and you can go back to court to try to get contact resolved. Sadly it's your little boy who is suffering the most.
In the meantime you can contact Families Need Fathers on 0300 0300 363, http://www.fnf.org.uk They can offer advice and support and will understand the issues here.
I hope this helps but please let us know how you get on. Good luck.
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