[Solved] Girlfriend pregnant - Great news! But not sharing anything

Bud sounds like you guys have had a hard time. I remember the first time we found out we were pregnant and you have that sense of elation and dread both at the same time. I was still a student and remember panicking about money, jobs, how i was ever going to finish my studying.... My wife then miscarried and I ended up feeling that strange mix of mourning - relief - guilt that i felt any sense of relief - mourning - relief - guilt, etc.... and ended up not being all that much use to her when she was going through this huge deal, and ended up a bit like you say being shut out and it being this hugely painful thing between us.....

Not sure i'm answering your question, but it feels 'good therapy' to type it and admit it was really tough time and that it affected us both in really different ways... and that not only does it affect each of you but it therefore affects your relationship....

I know we had to sit down and talk about what had happened, and me be honest about how it had affected me, acknowledging that had an affect on my partners and thus apologise for not being there for her... I know when we got pregnant again, she really needed to hear my commitment to her, how excited i was about the baby, how i was committed to being there and being the best dad i could be... It was stange 'cos i kinda assumed she knew that from the very fact we'd got married, but she still needed that continuious sense of me affirming my love and committment (without going over the top - you know what i mean!!)

I suppose i also learnt something during that time about how my partner 'recieves' love... being a man i had assumed more [censored] would sort it all 😉 But no i was wrong and it got me (us) into more trouble. There is an article on the main site about "love languages" (and i think the book is in the amazon store) and i know i discovered it at that point and it really helped me to identify how she receives love through 'acts of service' i.e. me doing ordinary things for her, making a cup of tea, getting up before her and running a bath etc... I know each person is different but for her doing acts of service just helps her know my love and committment ..... funny but the simple stuff really helped... and that combined with talking (even better taking her out on a date and talking) and apologising for where i'd got it wrong really helped us....

Anyway, been waffling on - i really hope its useful.. Are there any others out there with words of wisdom!

Do come back on this thread and let me know if what i've said is helpful at all.

Cheers, Ron

Man U for the quadruple!

Hi Ron,

Thanks for the reply. I know the feeling about work, money etc and with things so bad at the moment in job world that is not helping.

My girfriend continues to completely block me out of any discussion with her and it is getting harder and harder for me to figure out what is going on. I mean I will literally come home and there will not pass a single word between us. Even if I try and help I get it thrown back at me to the point where she won't even let me make her some toast......what is that all about?

Just feels like I do not exist in her world at the moment and its such a big thing that I desperatley want to be involved.

Surely we should be growing together and not apart at this point?!!!

Don't know what I'm expecting to hear really. Just feels very strange at the moment.

Have u tried takin' her out on a date and taking it thru?

Sometimes being in a public place helps reduce the risk of an arguement

I'd also start with how I'm feeling when bringin it up - ie don't make it accusatory rather keep it touchy feely, tell her how excited u are about the baby and that u feel shut out??

Oont give up!

Ron

Is there evidence that pregnancy causes the mother to develop an autoimmune disease? My grandmother and a cousin both developed severe rheumatic autoimmune diseases after pregnancy, when being previously fine before pregnancy. I have not been able to find any additional evidence of pregnancy causing an autoimmune disease to develop, but am wondering if anyone knows of a link between the two, either clinical or anecdotal.
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How do you know the difference between a miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, or just plain late period? I took a pregnancy test 1 day after my missed period - negative. My period ended up showing up 3 days later with cramps (nothing bad, just normal period cramps). How do I know if I had a chemical pregnancy, miscarriage, or simply a late period? If you have a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage only a few days after your missed period, is there a need to wait until trying to get pregnant again?

Hi gillasey
I would imagine that as the preganacy test that you took was negative, it was the case that your period was late. I'm sorry but i have no medical backround and being a man have no idea about chemical pregnancy or miscarriage!! I would advise you to either seek advice from your GP or NHS direct I have found them both really helpful in the past. Good luck

When taking FMLA for pregnancy what paperwork do you need to fill out for medical certification? I am planning on taking 6 weeks short term disability through my work for my pregnancy and I want to take the last six weeks on FMLA leave. What is the process for taking FMLA leave? Do I need to fill out some sort of application for that or what?? And do I have to have medical certification for pregnancy on FMLA leave?
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