[Solved] Help with eulogy

Mister Orange

I am really sorry to hear your news, having lost my father a few years ago I understand that this would not be an easy time for you.

An eulogy is a very personal thing, and the result is dependant on many things - was your mum religious, did she have any specific likes or dislikes, what do you want to say about her or to her ?

I hope if I tell you my experience it might help.

I started off by thinking what did my dad mean to me, what feelings or memories did I want to make public and what ones were private between me and him. My dad was in a very public profession but I tried to concentrate on his private life and our family.

I used the eulogy to praise his role as a dad, and to say how much I loved him and how much he will be missed but overall to say goodbye.

This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and the delivery in church felt like an eternity but I am glad I did it.

Overall it does not have to be a long eulogy, as they say short can be sweet.

I wish you luck and will say a prayer for you tonight.

mags

Thanks Mags,
Thats helpful. It got me thinking about childhood memories etc to consider including...
I already said to my two elder brothers that I want to get some of their thoughts and ideas so they have input too.
I can bring it together.
Not sure about delivering it... your comments about that were also helpful (I think it expressed what I feel).
Mum wasn't religous. Had a Christian schooling. Like 'non practicing Christian' if such a thing exists.
Her illness has been building up over the last months, weeks and finally days. So her death was expected.
I'm keeping myself busy at the moment but it all seems a bit odd.
/thanks again
mrorange

Hi Mr O

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss - feels like you and Mrs O have had a tough ride over the last 12 months .

I went to my Uncles funeral just before christmas and loved the eulogy he gave about his father. He spoke very persoanlly about the impact my uncle had had in building his character, his passions, his dreams etc. He talked about how he had watched his dad live out his life through the choices he made. How he as a child, teenager and adult had learnt via his dads highs and lows. What impacted me the most was the relationship the depth of it and the quality of it. What my cousin said of his father made me respect my uncle even more as i discovered that the man i saw him to be in public trelly was the family man behind closed door.

I'm sure you will find the right words to say and that you will speak with passion.

Thinking of you guys.

I've no advice for your eulogy other than to speak from the heart Mrorange.

Sorry to hear of your loss though and hope things go smooth as they can for you.

I lost my Mother and Father in the space of a year 5yrs ago and didn't get involved much with all the arrangements and stuff as I was in a bad place..I do wish I could have written something for them both.

Im sure whatever you do she will be proud..

All the best.

No sage words of advice Mr O - just wanted to offer my condolences and to tell you that all at Dadtalk towers are thinking of you at this obviously difficult time.Expected or not you must be going through a real mix of emotions.

When my wife lost her father she seemed to take great comfort in the things he had done for her during her formative years. How his influence had shaped her personality and made her the person she is today.

Thinking of you.

Gooner

Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my father 15 years ago, and still miss him - I was at his grave on Sunday (I don't visit his grave usually, I don't feel the need to, but was there for a memorial for my nephew) so it brought it all back again.

Don't worry about a eulogy - people realise your loss and aren't expecting a polished performance. Anyone who knew her will know what she was like, so perhaps a couple of memories from your past is enough.

Firstly, Thanks for all the help.
i have subsequently got hold of a guide to writing an eulogy from the funeral director's website.

I've gathered together my thoughts, have chatted to a few people.
Will draft something tonight/tomorrow.

Am glad that i've had a good day at getting a meaty start at this.

I am rather conscious of my dark sense of humour... I wanna work a joke into things 🙂
/mrO

Well, Here we are...
Got my Mum's funeral next week (28th 1:30pm).
Will be good to get that over (I think I will be able to start
I've written first draft of eulogy and my middle brother has added his feedback/updates. Just need eldest bro to input.
I am not being too posessive about who delivers it as I think my middle bro wants to... but I will be there on the day to stand in... or someone else will have to read it if we're both too overwhelmed... My hunch is I am holding everything bottled up at moment and will probably be able to deliver her eulogy at the time. I know I usually grieve a couple of weeks after the event.
We're aiming at 3 minutes of 'Tribute' to Mum...

As a by the by, I have been writing a last letter to Mum - am pleased that I've done this because I am writing stuff I have never said to her over all these years. Stuff that she didn't really need to know, but it helps me unload my feelings about the past etc. I hope to pop said letter into the coffin with her - but she won't get much time to read it because she's being cremated [sorry for the black humour.... just my way of deflecting stuff].
/a rather dull grey version of MrOrange

Hi Mr Orange

I also wrote a letter to my dad and placed it with him and I kept a copy which I read occasionally to remind myself of memories and thoughts that otherwise might be lost in the midst of time.

My husband would tell the story that I hardly showed any emotion from the time he died until the time he was buried, as the oldest daughter and coming from an Irish family it fell to me to contact relatives, arrange travel, pass on the news etc. this culminated in him taking my mobile off me, disconnecting the phone and limiting my e-mail access to try and make me own up to what was going on.

Trust me on the day of the funeral my emotions hit me with full force and I found the eulogy difficult to get through, but the human being is a remarkable piece of creation and i did it.

I wish you all the strength you will need and hope the day is one of rememberance and fitting joyfulness.

My thoughts are with you

Mags

@mags: helpful - thanks. And my brother is okay with me dropping post in with Mum 🙂

Well...
Said Eulogy/Tribute is all done with. I managed to read. ILost control of my voice a couple of times when emotion go the better of me. I am VERY glad I did it.
Thank you for all your support.
/hugs
MrOrange

PS. I'm coping ok. Basically only looking a couple of days ahead at a time.
This second push of grief is helping me make positive choices about relaxing and making use of my time and energy.
Still a bit spiritually out of tune, but am allowing myself time for that to settle back in.

PPS. @Mags: thanks for your prayers.

Hi

As they say "the worst is over", and I believe this is true as now is about looking forward and remembering. I am very glad you found the strength to get through the eulogy, this strength will keep you going in the coming weeks and months.

With regard to the prayers , you are most welcome.

Mags