[Solved] In-law's behaviour

Chris,

personally I would talk to him - Grand parents are great at spoiling kids - either with presents or allowing behaviour that parents would not allow.
My parents let my daughter get away with loads of stuff - i was never allowed to do as a kid. 🙄 but as they point out that's the whole point of grand parents.

Have a discussion with the G/P and your wife there for support (as long as she backs you up then you should be Ok). I would keep it nice and calm and not make it sound like criticism, maybe tell them some things that they do really well. They will understand that consistency of boundaries with kids is important. I would tell them what great grandparents they are and you are really pleased that they are close to your kids but would they mind..........

Have you tried talking to them ?

Gooner

Thanks for the advice Gooner,

I'll be honest, I usually explain my concerns to my wife and she relays it to them (I think). I will try and speak to them about their behaviour with a calm approach. There are good things that they do. I just worry that he may see my 'polite' request as critisism and as you pointed out, as long as my wife backs me up.

I'll press on with the conversation this weekend and let you know how it goes!

Thanks again,

Chris.

Hi Chris

I know just how you feel from personal experience. The problem is we can't choose our in-laws, when you fall in love with someone their parents come as part of the package. The root of most problems is the difference in upbringing. Each family has its own values, traditions, their way of doing things be it bringing up children to how housework should be done. When your in-laws blueprint is different from your own, differences of opinion and problems can arise.

Presenting a united front is the best way forward. It can be difficult to stand up to a parent and for your wife it sounds as if it is but if you and she can agree and be supportive of each other, you are more likely to succeed.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

i have a wife who is very close to her mother and like every one else i generaly do not have a problem with them they have been very suportive to us but now we are seperating my mother il has become an expert on the matter and is in my opinion a pain in the but as for my father il he is to scared to stand up to what he thinks is wrong to the point he does nothing. its sad when your father il tells you that he thinks his daughter is doing the wron g thing but is to scared to confront her or even worse his wife just in case as he puts it "i will end up in the same boat as you" surley they should put their house in order before getting involved in mine its as if i'm divorcing my mother il aswell

Hi

I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife are divorcing and I can understand that you are fed up with your mother in law getting involved. She has been close to her daughter and naturally she want to support and protect her as best she can, even if it means that to you she's interfering. As for your father in law, it's very sad for him that he feels he can't express his view, of which he has a right to, but it has probably been the same throughout his marriage and for whatever reason, he feels it is easier to say nothing than to speak out.

Try to be civil to them as best you can. It's important for the kids to see that you can get on with your in-laws because they still need to have a relationship with their grandparents and they will pick up on the tension and anomosity and this is the last thing you want.

Hi Chris

That is fun of having grandparents. My kids stay with my mum and dad on a regular basis and they (especially my mum) can sometimes do things that we have asked them not to, often in terms of food.
I have spoken to my parents before and had arguments but at the end, they do really love the kids and although they will stop for a while, they fall back into their old ways.

We have stopped saying too much to them now and have accepted that as their grandparents do really love them, they will do things much as they did with me....old dogs, new tricks...etc.....

My kids get on well with their grandparents and as the kids are getting older they are showing their own personal strength to get on with the grandparents.

Don't worry to much, I say, unless they are doing anything which you actually feel is hurting the kids. Grandparents always want to try and take over. Let them do that at their house, just not a your house. Your kids house needs to be the place they can be themselves, whether anyone else likes it or not.

Trust me grandparents whether in-laws or not can always be difficult 🙂

Chris,
If the children are happy fine if they are hurting get a grip and control the situation. My concern is that you have to use your wife as a medium of communicating your feelings to your in laws. Complicated you will say? of course it is, that is what life is sometimes all about. Talk and keep on talking directly to the people involved excluding your children. They may be an integral part of the family but you are the person with parental responsibilty and since you are the father the responsibility is still yours ..period.

Regards koka