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My wife left the marital home for a gut she met on holiday 3 months ago leaving me with the 3 kids (17,14 and9)
Now she has arranged a rented property with him she wants the kids to move in with here
They all want to stay with me and I realise the two eldest quite rightly can vote with their feet and little un we have to agree on
My main concern revolves around something my solicitor mentioned in that as my wife has not known this guy for a reasonable amount of time I can insist the kids not be introduced to him until such a time has elapsed, I feel a year to reasonable to ensure stability
Anybody any experience of this?
Hi Mukkablue and welcome to the site!
I'm sorry to hear about your problem and I'm guessing that things must still be pretty raw for you right now?
Firstly, I think you're in a pretty good situation regarding residency. Your eldest two are able to vote with their feet and a court is unlikely to disrupt the routine of a nine year old and will be loathe to split up a family unit. You are effectively the resident parent and you can determine the level of contact that you feel is appropriate, but you are expected to be reasonable about this...
With regards to her new partner, if she chooses to introduce him, then that would be up to her. There are no laws to prevent this, unless there was a welfare issue. It seems to me, at this stage, that none of your children will particularly want to meet him anyway and will undoubtedly demonise him as the man that split the family up.
I would suggest that you let her know that you're happy to encourage contact and will not stand in the way of her seeing the children. However if the children have all indicated that they have no wish to meet her new partner (I'm assuming this is the case?), you need to add a caveat and highlight that you feel that she needs to respect their wishes on this and it would be unwise, and counter productive, for her to attempt to force the issue. Let her know that if any of the children indicate that they feel that they are being pressured into a situation, or forced into a scenario that they have explicitly said they're unhappy with, she will find herself at risk of alienating the children further and you will protect them accordingly. If she cannot guarantee that she will comply with the children's wishes, then the nature of how contact occurs will need to be reviewed. Add that you would hope that over time the children will be more amenable to the idea, but at present they are justifiably upset and you don't feel it's fair or appropriate to inflame the situation further.
FM '70
Thanks for the reply, wise words. It's easy to jump at something and get it wrong
I am keen to find out more regarding what my solicitor said but obviously want to avoid talking to the and incurring unnecessary costa but if their is a court order for such a thing...
Cheers
Hi
Yes you are looking at a residence order. I would read yoji's guide to representing yourself at the top of the legal section - even though you have a solicitor, it helps to understand the process.
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