[Solved] isn't a father just as capable at looking after kids?

HI

Thanks for posting you question, sorry to hear that your marriage is going through a rought time. We have asked our legal experts over at the Childrens Legal Centre to post a reply in regards to custody etc. This may take them a few days so please bear with us.

I notice that you say your wife is suffering from depression and that your youngest is only 3. Do you think your wife could be suffering from post natal derpession, its something that can start in the first few years after birth. Might be worth asking your GP for his thoughts or the local health visitor.

Hope that you and the kids get some quality time together during your school break.

Thanks for the reply Harveys dad

My wife has had a [censored] of a few years and the depression thing is highly likely but she is aggressively resistant to any suggestion that she might be, especially from me.

aggressively resistant in that she changed doctors becuase the original one had used that on medical certificates to explain why she was off work. she did have a medical condition but the doctor chose depression as the reason. Her work was very unsympathetic and put her under a lot of pressure.

in the last 4-5 years the timeline has been very packed with tragedies for the family but especially with my wife.

she is now pressing for separation and has said she is going to her solicitor. I have been working hard over the last 3 months to save our marriage as I love her and I believe in the vows I made before God.

I do not want to fight for the kids as they are already being affected by things.

I now sleep in the front room and almost every day I have between 2 to 3 of our 4 in the room with me.

the 4th is a 14yr old and I am not her father legally as I did not formally adopt her. she chose to keep her mothers surname and so I felt that I needed to allow her the time to make that choice properly. however, I have been bringing her up for the last 11 years and she calls me dad.

I just do not want to lose my kids because she is [censored] bent on destroying something which is salvageable and can be improved upon.

I am frustrated by this whole thing.

I am now proposing family mediation (non legal) and hope that as we talk about the ramifications of what will happen if we continue on this path she might wake up and say lets give it one more chance.

Dear Englishrademacher,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, an independent charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.

There is nothing in law to indicate that children should be cared for by a particular parent as each case is different.

Both you and your wife have Parental Responsibility for your three children (although you would not have parental responsibility for the 14 year old unless this has been given by way of a Parental Responsibility agreement or court order) and therefore have the same right to have the children living with you.

Parental Responsibility is a legal reference and basically means that you both have a right to a say in the major decisions affecting your children’s lives, such as education, religion, moving abroad and medial treatment. There is a free downloadable leaflet which gives further details on parental responsibility available on our website www.childrenslegalcentre.com .

It is advisable that, wherever possible, parents attempt to agree what is in the children’s best interests and come to a suitable arrangement for all involved.
Mediation can be very useful in helping couples to agree or compromise, and it also shows that all other routes have been attempted if the case does eventually have to go to court.

If you and the mother own your home and are both named on the deeds, then you both have a right to be there and the mother can not force you to move out without gaining a court order, which can be quite difficult to do. So at present it is your choice as to whether you leave the family home.

If the situation can not be resolved between yourselves, then either you or your wife have the option of applying to the court at any time for residence of your children. Both of you will be required to attend court and the person who did not make the application will be able to contest it if they wish.

The court will hear all the circumstances and may appoint CAFCASS to make a report on the matter. This process can take some time but the final decision of the court will be based on what they believe to be in the best interests of your children.

The court are able to grant full residence to either parent, shared residence in amounts thought appropriate by the court, or any other order that they see fit.
It is not possible to say what the court will grant, it is very subjective on the individual circumstances of your family and each case is different.

All you can do is explain to the court why you believe the children’s best interests would be better served by living with you, and the mother will do the same, and the court will make the final decision.

If a residence order is granted then this is legally binding and the children will live with the named parent until they are 16 years old, or until the parents agree to another arrangement or the matter is returned to court.

We hope this information is useful to you. Should you require any further advice or assistance please contact our Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help.

Kind Regards

Children’s Legal Centre

Sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. Stop in the house for the children. I moved out and I feel now I have to fight to see my children.

flatliner

thanks for that message. I am in the house to stay and until told otherwise will stay there.

I have now been to my first meeting with my solicitor which was good and lasted over an hour. all for £75. I think I got my moneys worth lol

anyway. I hope your situation gets better.