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[Solved] Jealous of my father in law

New Member Registered

Hi all,

I'm new here, so forgive me for looking for answers to my problem before getting stuck in on other topics.

My wife and I have been married for over three years and about a year into that, my father in law moved in with us. He's getting on and his health isn't great, so I have no problem with this. My FIL does very little except watch TV and read the paper. He is perpetually bored.

About 7 months ago, we were blessed with a baby girl. I commute every day and I only get home around 8 or 9 in the evening. My wife is on maternity leave and is at home a lot of the time with her dad. So essentially, my baby's granddad spends about 20 times as much time with her as I do. I'm very, very uncomfortable with that. When I tell my wife about this, I get platitudes like "she'll have a different relationship with you" or "you'll always be her dad".

Most grandparents see there grandchildren once or twice a week. My daughter's grandparent is seeing her more than she sees her own dad. Is it bad that I think this is very wrong? And he doesn't seem to have a problem with it. He tries to take her from me when I'm playing with her. I don't know how he can't see how selfish he's being. But I don't want to upset him.

Another problem (and I'll keep this vague) is that both my wife and I come from different minority communities. My wife speaks only English whereas I speak English and a second language (which my entire family also speaks). My father in law speaks English and another language which none of his own children speak. I do not want my daughter learning my FIL's language yet he is constantly talking to her in it. I've tried politely to tell him to speak more English with her but he doesn't seem to care. I didn't agree to any of this when I married my wife, but it just happened and now I feel like I have zero control over it.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Topic starter Posted : 22/12/2014 6:52 am
Illustrious Member

I think your wife is right that she will have a different relationship with you to your FIL - in fact, she might not have such a good relationship with him as other children do because he's there all the time, and not seeing her occasionally and spoiling her, which is what grandparents often do (quite rightly). You do need time on your own though, so perhaps your wife could speak to her father and tell him that there are times when you are with your daughter that he should not be intruding on.

As for the language aspect, my personal view is that the more languages she can pick up, the better because at this age, children can soak up the differences like a sponge, so it could really help in later life if she is easily multi-lingual, and even if one of the languages isn't something she's likely to use, it could well be wiring her brain to be able to pick up more languages in the future.

Posted : 24/12/2014 8:30 pm
New Member Registered

How have things progressed? Interested to hear your story as it resonates a little with my situation.

Posted : 08/07/2019 2:28 am
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi Spongenick43... the OP never logged back in after his first and only post, so it’s unlikely that you’ll get a reply to your query unfortunately.

All the best

Posted : 08/07/2019 3:29 am

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