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For whatever reason I can't log into this site on my iphone without re setting my password. So I have had to create a new account but its really just me.
Well anyway after a good week with help and advice from Nannyjane and others I settled down to enjoy my Sunday only to be interrupted from a text off the ex! " can I come down to talk to you it said" so of course I said yes.
5 mins later she is at my house with our daughter to inform me that after a year of being with her new fella they are moving in together with her son from a previous relationship, his son from a previous relationship and my beautiful little princess.
The irony is they are moving to we're I am from and would ideally like to live (but I moved from there to be a couple of minutes away from my daughter so I could see her as often as possible) so the outcome is my daughter is going to be 8 miles away in my home town. Not a prob I realise some fathers are thousands of miles away from there children so I'm very lucky.
Well here lies my issue after good advice from nannyjane and others about the fact there is no need to worry about my daughter who is 3 next month forgetting who I am, thinking she does not need to see me, thinking this new man is her dad, loving him more than she loves me and obviously her general safety I was quite settled with my own thoughts and as happy with the situation as I could be!
Now I find myself back at square one, I will hopefully continue to see my daughter 4 times a week for 4 hours (not my decision as I would have her live with me permanently but the ex's decision) if this contact was to change obviously court is where we will end up so I'm not overly concerned about contact changing yet, although my ex has said when our daughter starts school a year in September things will change. That's a year away though and a lot an happen in a year and if contact does change then obviously I will go court. I will eventually move back to my home town if my daughter starts school there so once again I will be only minutes away from her and closer to my work and were all my family and friends are.
But and her is the but all those worries and concerns have started again including 1 hours sleep last night! Now my daughter is living with this new man will she get that attached she will no longer want daddy? Will this new man be her dad in her eyes, will she live him more than me, will she still want to see me or will she feel that by coming out with me she is missing things with her new family unit? God it's so hard my mind is in bits! How did other fathers cope in this situation and did you really have anything to worry about?
Thank you!
P.s I'm sorry my issues are very trivia to what some of you unfortunate fathers have to go through but it helps me deal with things reading the comments and other people's experiences on these matters.
I'm very lucky as I have brilliant parents and a brilliant sister and bro in law but I don't like my parents and sister worrying about me to much so I keep a lot of my pain away from them if I can.
Hi there 🙂
Please don't think that your concerns are trivial...anything that distresses someone so that it affects normal functions of daily life such as sleeping and eating is far from trivial. 🙂
I think you should read over the posts from your previous thread, we all gave you lots of advice and support and that still stands and what I would say to you about that now hasn't changed.
There are going to be two other children vying for attention and one of those children is his own flesh and blood. The family dynamic is a lot different to what your ex and your daughter are used to and it will take some getting used to....your little girl is going to need your support to settle in to this new arrangement. If anything the time she has with you will begin to mean more to her as she will have the individual one to one attention that she just isn't going to get in her new surroundings.
I can understand that you don't want to upset your family but......when my own children (in their late twenties but still children to me!) have kept things from me because they didn't want me to worry, I haven't been happy about it when I eventually found out....and they have said how much better they feel once things are out in the open. We parents pick up on things and I would bet that they sense something isn't right. We parents worry more when we know something is wrong but don't know what! You don't have to break down or anything, but I think it would be better for you all if you confided in them and gave them the opportunity to support you, after all that's what families do! It will give you strength and it will help you cope better with these feelings of insecurity.
Your daughter is going to to part of a 3 child family - sometimes that is going to be fun, but sometimes she's going to want to be away from them, and that is going to make her time with you that extra bit special, she is going to get exclusive attention from her dad which is something that isn't going to happen when she's with her mum. I can certainly understand that it's hard for you to accept this change as you had things settled nicely. Give it a few weeks to settle, and then I would suggest that you start to try to sort out what changes are going to happen when your daughter starts school. You and your ex are obviously able to communicate, so if you can start the negotiation early, you may all come to a satisfactory agreement well before she starts school.
Hello Jane
So sorry took me this long to reply. I look at this site every day but did not think to reply to my own post. 🙂
Yes I'm ok thank you! Things are not perfect as my daughter does not live me but this last week things have not been to bad either.
I'm just starting my second week of 3 weeks of 12 hour nights now as its easier to see my daughter when I work nights but means it has to be quite in work before I get chance to get on the Internet.
Thanks for your concern, take care 🙂
That's ok then! If know things could be better, but they could be worse too...it's a matter of making the best of things and I feel that you are a very sensible man and will do what you must at the moment to keep the status quo....before you know it your little girl will be demanding to see more of you! As she becomes more of her own person she will begin to let her wishes be known I'm sure.
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