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My ex wants me to meet her new partner, she feels it is a serious enough relationship and has already introduced him to my daughter and says he is likely to be spending more time with her.
I have absolutely no idea what I want to say. I have found it really difficult accepting the idea and part of me doesn't want to say anything to encourage him to get closer to my daughter...but what do I say? And what questions should I be asking as my ex has already given me a summary about what he does for a living, where he lives, etc. I still have emotions about this guy coming into my daughters life, and I definitely wont be aggressive or dictate to him although its going to be very hard.
Any advice and experience would be great. Thanks.
Wow - ok.
First of all it's great that your ex wants you to meet the guy - a lot of blokes on here don't get the chance.
I have found it really difficult accepting the idea and part of me doesn't want to say anything to encourage him to get closer to my daughter
Look it's going to be hard - but if you, your ex and her new partner can work together then surely that will be good for your daughter. It's natural to be worried but he will never replace you, you are "Daddy" or "Dad" - he will never replace you in your daughters heart.
It's sounds as if your relationship with your ex is still reasonably good, is this the case ?
If it is then you will have to trust her that this new partner is a good guy.
I totally understand that you want to make sure that everything is ok and protect your daughter.
How old is your daughter? I take it you see her regularly ?
What's your biggest fear about this situation ?
Gooner
Hi mate,
Thanks for the reply. My daughter is only 2 years old and I think this just adds to my emotions about the whole thing because I think she is too young. I do see her regularly and the relationship with my ex has been up and down but is good at the moment.
I think I have tended to try and forget that this situation might one day occur and put it to the back of my mind. When she told me it was like a bolt out of the blue and a lot of my emotions just spilled out...and still are!! I guess at the core of it, I was happy just sharing my daughter with her mum but not with some other bloke.
Well i guess at some point you will both have new partners and your ex will have to go through similar with your partner.
How you deal with this may help to decide how she deals with your new partner.
I guess at the core of it, I was happy just sharing my daughter with her mum but not with some other bloke.
Can totally understand how you feel. As long as your daughter knows that you love her and that she is the centre of your universe you will never have to share her with anyone else.
Your her daddy and always will be, the other guy is just mummy's boyfriend.
Keep Talking tel23111, and welcome to the site.
Gooner
Thanks Goonerplum appreciate your comments mate. Just hoping it gets easier with time.
The kids dont care about adult relationships. If they are loved they will love back but they will always know exactly who their mum and dad are. When I moved in with my partner I made it clear i wanted to meet his ex as I will be involved in the lives of their kids. Seemed natural to me.
We invited her over along with the children but she cancelled 10 mins before, cue excuses blah blah. A month later I ended up going with my partner to drop them off as we were in that part of town. I got out, he introduced us, we shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. I was very relieved as I knew it would get easier from now on. How very wrong I was. A few months later we went to get the kids and I got out, smiled and said good morning to her and got completely ignored. I thought nothing of it and tried again next time but got totally blanked and this time the nosy neighbours were all outside watching. Since then I've stayed in the car, which I know is childish but I don't know what else to do when her mum is giving it "who does she think she is coming to my house" routine. What's even funnier is that only last week she invited me to some kids party! Ultimately, it's down to respect and if your ex wants to introduce you I think it's a very positive thing and it shows that she is respecting and acknowledging that you are the father.
I think you did the right thing all along - you showed willingness for the right reasons, and when she didn't want to know, you didn't push it.
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