Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Unfortunately without going to court my current contact is 24 hours on a Wednesday and 6 hours on a saturday so that's 30 hours in total every week.
My daughter is 3 and has just started nursery she goes for a full day every Monday and Thursday, Tuesday she is with her mum, Wednesday all day and overnight with me, Friday with her nan, Saturday 6 hours with me and the rest of Saturday and Sunday with her mum and brother (not my son).
It's not enough for me and its never going to be enough as I want my daughter living with me full time, but I have been advised I won't be that much better off, if better off at all going to court.
My daughter and I am very close and we love being together, it upsets me that every Thursday morning when I drop her at nursery and every Saturday when I'm saying good bye she hides get feet so I can't put her shoes on, she says please dad let me play longer and there are inevitable tears.
It breaks my heart!!!!! Am I doing her long term damage or is long term damage being caused by the fact she cries most times we say goodbye???
I never let her down, every chance I have to be with her I take, I miss shifts at work, swop shifts, every opportunity I have to be with her I take, I have never been late collecting her and I have never not turned up when it's my time with her.
I just want to know from experience have other fathers had contact with there children along similar hours, days etc as me and is your relationship with your children still as strong and as bonding as it should be?
These are some of my greatest concerns on life........
Hi
This is tricky - in terms of number of hours, you are getting quite a lot of contact, but I can see that it's a pattern that means you don't get the best out of the hours, and when she starts school, your hours are going to be cut.
The best option initially is to look at mediation to see if you can get another evening, or longer on Saturday, but it's never going to be easy when you say goodbye - maybe you spend the last hour planning what you are going to do next time you see each other.
Thanks actd for the reply!
I'm looking at letting it run like this for the next month or so as there has been quite a bit on conflict with my ex and her new partner recently, after a month or so I'm going to propose I collect my daughter from her Nan's (my ex's mum) on Friday night at 5pm and drop her off at 3pm on the Saturday.
It's a good idea what you have suggested I do when we are spending the last hour together, by chance we had a discussion what we are going to do together when I get her at 8am on Wednesday morning, I can usually manage at least 12 hours of quality time with her on a Wednesday as I have re arranged my work pattern.
I just hope we are always close!
As long as you give her as much attention as you are doing now, I don't think there is any question about you always being so close 🙂
Thanks actd one thing I can guarantee as I'm sure all us dads on here can guarantee is my love and attention is permanent.
The tears and pleas of our little ones do indeed pull at the heartstrings!
She will get used to it as she gets older but already she is learning how to get what she wants...children are very clever. Try and distract her by putting her toys to bed and saying goodbye to them., make little rituals that she can relate to. Have a look if there are any books about this for young children that you can read together.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.