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Hi all,
I've recently found out that i'm going to be a dad, and im worried about my fience.
We graduated university last year and bought a house together, not planning in any way of having a child, but accidents will happen we found out last week she is pregnant. We are both happy about the fact, but im worried for a number of reasons.
1. She dosn't feel like she has any friends, no one other than me to confide in, as all of her mates are at work, and she dosn't want work to know yet as its so early on in the pregnancy.
2. She dosn't feel like she can tell her mum, Her mum is a lovely woman, but being her only child her mum tends to push her own aspirations and is continuously saying how she shouldnt have a child untill she has travled the world/got an amazing job etc. I know her initial reaction may well be negative, but there is only so long she can go without talking to her.
4. We have no local support network, my parents live 4-5 hrs drive away and her parents 3-4 hrs away, (and we dont have a car) I think she feels isolated, but loves the place where we live.
3. She absolutely hates her job, she works late nights and early mornings, and wants to change career path, obviously niw she is tied to the job or else she will loose maternity pay, and she feels trapped and depressed.
I try to be as supportive as I can, but would really appreciate any advice.
Thanks fellas
Hi Archer
Welcome on here, and congratulations to you both.
I'm a long way (in time) since my children were born, so a lot of stuff is new to me, but there should be a lot of support services for your fiance - antenatal classes are a good start as she will meet lots of other soon-to-be mums - go together so that she knows you are supporting her.
Perhaps she can also try mumsnet - after all, you've come on her for support, there's no reason that your fiance can't find support on line as well.
And, of course, she's welcome to come on here 😀
Hi Archer
Firstly a warm welcome to Dadtalk and of course congratulations to you and your fiancee.
I am sorry to hear that you are so worried about her at the moment. It sounds as if she feels quite lonely and isolated. It's still early days, she may feel differently about things once she gets used to the idea of being pregnant. It can't be very easy for her if she feels she can't talk to her mum, but I can see there may be some friction there. All parents want to protect their children, whatever their age and initially her mum may be shocked, but I am sure once the news has sunk in, she will accept and look forward to the safe arrival of her grandchild.
Your fiancee may be interested in an organisation called the National Childbirth Trust who support parents and parents to be. Click on the link http://www.nct.org.uk/in-your-area to their website telling you more about them and how they can help.
I am sorry she feels trapped and depressed in her job but for financial reasons she may have to hang in there for the moment. There may be other options open to her once she has the baby and makes a decision about whether or not to return to work, choosing a different career.
It sounds as if you are being very supportive and understanding and the important thing for you both is to keep communicating.
my wife and i are in the same situation. We have taken the drastic decision to move over 100 miles to be closer to both our parents. At the moment we are around 4 hours (thanks to ferries) from either parents but once we move we will be less than 30 mins from both. My wife had a misscarriage and i was working away, all she had was a gran who herself is very ill, so not having anyone made the situation A LOT worse. Once i got home we decided that we will move in the new year. Just talk to her, but as the other members are saying she will hopefully find friends in classes ect.
I am lucky because i can live anywhere with my job and my wife is self employed, not as easy for other people but just talk to her and come up with a comprimise.
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