Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi all..:)
I hope someone can offer some help and advice...
9 years ago me and my partner split.. we had 2 kids. Since that point I have had regular access and have had them stay with me every other weekend and half the holidays. I don't pay anything to her directly and she has not claimed CSA or anything but when the kids needed anything then I have helped out as much as possible. Just over 3 years ago me and my new partner and her family moved roughly 55miles away from my children. But still I drove down and picked them up and had them for the same period of time... was not a problem. Now just under 3 years ago I had a accident at work and my leg got pretty badly screwed up... and have been in and out of hospital every since but even so I went to get my kids every other weekend without fail and had them for half the holidays and more often than not more than that too...
Recently my compensation claim was settled and we planned to move back so I was closer to my kids... and as a nice thing to do I offered my ex wife £2000 and my old still reasonably new car... as I would have to buy a automatic. She said she did not want that but she wanted another £2200 cash instead... this is coming out of a small trust fund set up with the compensation money. I agreed that we could arrange this but the money would have to be paid back and a monthly instalment plan was agreed. She said she wanted to move away some 360 miles away from where we now live which is 10 mins away from her old home. I reluctantly agreed on the proviso that we could meet half way from now on as my leg even with a automatic wont suffer 12 hours driving. She agreed... I arranged the money and job done.
At new year 2012 I collected my kids from her new boyfriend who lives local to me well roughly a hours drive away..and it was agreed that I would drop them back there the following Friday. At the end of the week she informed me she was now at home nearly 400m away and I would have to drop the kids back there and I had no other choice but to do it... as my kids where starting back to school after the Christmas break...
The drive nearly killed me...after 12 hours of driving my leg was screwed... I could not walk for 2 days... I said to her that I cannot do that drive again in my condition.
Now she is using the kids as a weapon against me.. she is refusing to pay back the money which I expected anyway even tho I have her written statement on the loan agreement. And that if I want to see my kids I have to buy her a car, tax it, insure it and fuel it. If I don't then I have to travel (she don't care a bit what it does to me... and also its not right for kids to sit in a car for 6 hours twice a week)
Now when I moved a hour away it was my responsibility to see my children as it was my choice to move... surely it works both ways? If she decides to move 6 hours away then its her responsibility to at least help with the travelling ?
She will not meet me half way... which would still be unfair on the kids as they are in the car the same amount of time. I can manage the hallway thing as then the moment I get home I take my medication and make sure I don't drive anywhere the next day...which also rules out me staying over night.
I know that in order to keep seeing my kids and adhere to her demands then I am gonna end up crippling myself in the process.. Seeing as she is refusing to pay back the money I have already loaned her then I am certain I am not gonna give in to her financial demands either.
Any ideas anyone?
mav
You can get an order, via your solicitor, to have her meet you half way, and get a court order for you to keep contact with your children. This way if she breaks it, she can be prosecuted, therefore she has to what is ordered by court.
Hi There,
I would say you are in a slightly difficult situation, from my understanding a judge isn't able to place an order for the mother to travel half way, they can suggest it but not enforce it.
With regards to finances, if your ex involves the CSA you will be required to pay towards your children living expenses, this would normally be a percentage of your wage, I'm not sure how they deal with this if you are out of work if you aren't able to (I'm not sure if you are still working)
Was the agreement you had written up regarding the money done by a solicitor, again i'm not 100% certain but i'm not sure if just an agreement written up between you would stand up in court, I would have a chat with CAB to see if they can advise, or if you have a solicitor then talk it over with them.
Darren
If you have a written agreement on the loan, then I would say that you would be able to use the fast track courts (commonly known as the small claims court) to go against for this money. With regards to travel, I think Darren is right, and I don't think you'd have a chance of the halfway thing. It might be better to try to arrange contact less frequently, but for a longer period, and then travel up by train and stay over in a hotel. If she won't agree to this, then I'd go for a contact order for this.
If you are unemployed, or on means tested benefits, then I think you are limited to paying her #5 per week. If you are working, then you can offset the cost of your travel (in excess of #15 per week) against your income to give the takehome pay that the CSA use to calculate the maintenance.
let us know how you get on,, and take notes of the advice the solicot gave you or is going to do.........finacial transactiosn you need to show proof of giving her money--alos any money yu offer to pay for the children /ie for clothes shoes you have paid ,doesnt mean she cant take you to the csa,as well,,you should keep proff of all transcarions in reguards to your children,,
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.