[Solved] Post separation blues!

Hi Shaunyw

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. You are going through a really tough time right now. I haven't been in your situation myself but I hope other dads will read your post and help you get through this distressing time.

What you are going through is a bit like a bereavement. It's a loss, the loss of your family unit, your marriage and the way of life you had when you were a family. Like any loss it is going to take time for you to adjust, to grieve for what you once had and to move on to a new way of living with your children. It will take time and I know that is a cliche to say, but it is going to take a while for you to adjust to your new situation. Thank goodness there are no problems with you seeing your children but compared to seeing them on a daily basis, this can't seem like any kind of consolation right now. How can it.

It is still early days, try to be kind to yourself and accept that you are going to have these bad painful days but that things will I hope improve for you over time.

It sounds as if you are a great dad and your children clearly love being with you. Hang on to this.

I hope this is helpful. Let us know how you are getting on.

It's a difficult one. I have a similar situation with my 5year old so your now alone; the feeling is worse when you watch them sleeping, content and innocent. It makes it so much worse when he tells me all he does at his mum's is watch tv . He loves simple things like washing the car, helping out in the house and going to the park. Realistically I couldn't have him any more than I do (every weekend) due to work commitments. My ex has now told me that contact should be reduced because (1) he's at school now so she doesn't see him as much; and (2) he has a (half) brother and another on the way. It wouldn't bother me if I thought it was the right thing to do, but he really loves it here, has his own space, gets un-interupted sleep and is just generally happy. I'm convinced she is just trying to get at me, and also wants to get me under the 104 nights to get an extra few quid each month.

I'm lucky in that I have an understanding new partner and my family is really supportive. But, at the end of the day it is a lonely place. I hold onto the hope than in a few years he'll be able to make up his own mind about where he wants to be. My new partner suggested making a collage of photos for his room, showing all the good times we have and updating this regularly. I'm going to have a try and see if it works.

Thanks Mikey
Thanks Choo Choo...

Your responses are much appreciated and very helpful.

I look for statements that help me through and one of the best I have come across so far is that "you can only work with what you've got".

I do complain that I have lost my family for no fault of my own.... then I realise that "fault" has nothing to do with this - y'know - sh** happens. People sometimes say "but you haven't LOST your kids" (intimating they are still alive) and I could strangle those people who say that to me.

I think it is completely true that time is the only healer here... there is no "solution to the problem"... even if my ex wanted to get back together I simply couldn't because of the infidelity and also the grief she has put me through... family life is finished and so I look forward to a time when I have happiness and contentment.

These forums are useful for the responses recieved but also the therapy of capturing ones feelings and sharing with others.

Thanks