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Hi all.
I hope someone can relate to this or give me some advice. I have a son who is almost 14 months old. He is a fantastic kid, I love him and I have no problems doing my fair share of the parenting duties. He has been quite a difficult baby with regards to sleeping and my wife and I had quite a difficult period of stressful sleep training to get him to where he is now. He now sleeps through, as long as he is not ill or unsettled for any other reason.
The problem that I have is that when he is unsettled and wakes crying in the night, I find it nearly impossible to feel any empathy for him, and I just get angry and frustrated when he won't settle. I have been this way since he was a newborn. For instance, last night we had a really bad one because he is teething. However, even after the calpol and the teething powders had been administered, he still proceeded to scream the house down for half an hour. My wife has endless reserves of patience, but I don't. It is ok if he responds to my comforting, like when we did the sleep training I could settle him no problem, but if he is beside himself I just get really angry with him. I don't shout at him or hurt him or anything like that, but I find it hard to conceal my frustration, and this makes my wife really angry with me, which makes me even more frustrated. So in the end she deals with him and I lie awake in bed feeling like a terrible father.
I feel a huge amount of guilt due to this, when it is bad I just can't seem to put myself in his position and think "He is in pain, just ride it out with him and sooner or later he will be OK". To make matters worse we are expecting our 2nd child next summer and I am afraid that if I don't get a handle on this that it will happen all over again.
Anybody out there feel the same or have any advice?
Hi Pete, and welcome to DadTalk.
It's been a long time since I was a father to newborns, so there are others on here who will be much better placed to give you advice. However, what I will say is that if you are feeling angry, your baby will pick up on that and you are then into a downwards spiral. You obviously recognise this, so if you can break the cycle, it will help both you and your baby (and your wife) to settle. I would also advise sitting down and talking to your wife about it - if she realises how you feel, she may be able to offer you support - once you realise that you aren't a terrible father and that you can settle your baby, it will all fall into place.
HI Pete D,
I have two young Sons (3yrs and 10mths) I have been there with the night time crying thing and at the time it was horrible! My wife seemed to know exactly what to do and there I was a spinning cog!! Just stick with it and remember that it WILL get better. As for the second child, believe it or not it is easier as you make all the mistake with the first one (well thats kind of what I found) so at least you have a vague idea of what to expect the next time around. I also found with the second you are so busy that you are much less emotionally charged as you just have to crack on with things. Keep going mate: )
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