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Good Morning,
I know this may not match the topic of converstaion going on here But the subjct field caught my eye and I feel all those things...
Allow me to introduce myself, My name is Graham I am 31 years of age, a Police Constable and most importantly a father of a beautiful two and half year old daughter called Freya.
I am also going through the lengthy and expensive process of taking my ex wife to court in order to have contact with my daughter.
I originate from Kent where my daugter and her mum live, I have since moved to Reading. Freya's mum and I seperated over a year ago and since then I have struggled to have what I consider to be quality time with my daughter.
While my ex is allowing contact to take place, this is based on supervisory terms. Directly after we sepearted Freya's mum would only allow me to see my daughter with her present supervising me.
Since we have been to court an interim order was put in place that I would have contact with Freya once a week for four hours. This time would be supervised by a third party, it was decided that that third party would be the maternal grand father, something that I agreed to as my ex wanted this contact to take place in a contact centre!!!
I have done this now for a period of six months, and while I do not need to prove myself, I feel strongly that I have done all that has been asked of me by the courts and by my ex.
Imagine my anguish then when we have our second hearing and my ex refuses to move on her current position and after alot of backwards and forwards the court issued yet another interim order which now states that I will have the following contact with my daughter
Four hours once a week, two hours supervised and two hours unsupervised
A full section 7 report will now be conducted by CAFCASS.
I have had contact with CAFCASS before the first hearing, I do not know what other people's experiences with CAFCASS have been, I however felt very much like everything was weighted in favour of the mother.
I have also tried mediation, my experience with this was also the same, that they seemed to favour my ex.
Sorry to waffle on, if you have got this far thank you for reading. But you may be wondering why I am telling you this.
I am aware of the recent think tank that stated that many children are not having contact with their fathers or any male role model.
As I stated at the beginning of this I am a Police Constable, a recognised profession, an upstanding pillar of soceity. Holding such a position I am subjected to rigourous security checks.
I am not a criminal, I have never done anything to harm my ex wife or my daughter. I am not a risk to my daughter and neither are my family (who are being refused contact with their garnd daughter) so why then am I made to feel like a criminal by my ex wife, the courts CAFCASS etc.
As it is the case that I am going to be subject to further court hearings and a full CAFCASS section 7 report, it is my intention to contact the local MP for Kent and volunteer my case for them to review and audit to ensure that the processes are transparent, fair, impartial and that the correct result is achieved.
Please can you tell me where I might be able to view the report of this think tank?
I also welcome any views, comments and feedback regarding experiences with CAFCASS, Court, mediators etc and any advice you may have.
Once again thank you for reading all of this.
If it is the case that I have bought this to attention of the wrong people I apoligise
Many thanks
Kindest regards
Graham
Hi Graham
I know we are talking on Just Me's chat, and no doubt the moderators will move our posts.
Just because you are a PC doesn't mean that you are perfect (sorry about that!) but underneath nobody knows what is happening, ie look t Jimmy Savile etc et bankers who are control freaks....
I am sorry that you felt that CAFCASS and the Mediators appeared to be in favour of mother, they are supposed to be impartial.
The fact that 6 months contact has progressed perfectly well I think Mum is being rather silly in continuing to insist on supervised contact, normally during the 6 month period contact should progress, but at least it is now...albeit slowly, I am afraid it is a game of playing ball.
You don't say why she wont allow unsupervised contact. Have you made threats to remove your daughter?
Personally I think you may be a little early on contacting an MP, you need to allow the Court to go through its normal process. The CAFCASS Officer will be looking closely at Mum as well as yourself. You will have the opportunity of stating your case through it to.
Supervised contact is another way mother can control what is going on, you said in the beginning contact only took place with her supervising it....I am guessing that maybe she did not want this relationship to end ...the mother's father supervising contact is another means of her maintaining control, but at least you do have 2 hours unsupervised contact as well now, that is a step forward.
Hi Graham,
I feel like I am in a very similar situation with a controlling ex partner who is slowly crushing the small amount of time I get to see my 16 month old daughter. I would be interested to hear your progress as I am most probably going down the same route - mediation then court.
I did a quick google search for the report and could only come up with this from the telegraph:
I wish you all the very best and truly believe that a fair and reasonable amount of time should be granted to both parents.
Joe
Hi Graham,
Sadly things are weighted in favour of the mother unless you can prove she is unfit which is a challenge even if they are.
The level of contact you have is woeful although as mentioned by Enyamachaela you dont say why this may be.
CAFCASS and the courts should take an impartial view but this is not always the case.
All I can suggest is that you play with a straight bat and maintain a reasonable stance but keep pushing for additional contact.
The more reasonable suggestions that you make for additional contact and the more hoops you jump through, sorry, the less reasonable your ex will appear.
This is not a quick process but all here will do our best to support, advise and guide.
This site has been a rock for me.
The advise on a CAFCASS visit that I have had is be open, honest but not critical. Not sure how you do this as I am trying to figure it out before my section 7 report which should happen soon.
Be gentle on yourself, look after your health and wellbeing and stay strong.
Regards,
Dave
Hi Graham,
Sorry to read your situation mate. I can only comment on CAFCASS from what I have witnessed one of my friends go through. From his experience, even though it was hard for him to establish a relationship with his daughter to begin with, CAFCASS supported him through the process including when the childs mother tried to put a stop to the visits and make things as difficult as she could. They made a report to the court in his favour because he followed to rules that the courts and CAFCASS set out to the letter. 5 years after the whole process had ended and he has regular visitation rights and has since the court ruled in his favour.
Hope this helps mate,
Pete
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