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Hello,
Sorry about the long post but I would appreciate advice if any of you have time to read it.
I live in Ireland with my girlfriend and our 2 year old son where I currently work for the family construction company.
I have been offered a job with an engineering company in Aberdeen which I accepted, signed a contract and sent back last week. Everything is packed and ready to go. It is an ok wage (initial training period) but has great potential to get a lot bigger and it is something that I always wanted to do.
We agreed that the three of us could get through the initial period on the low(ish) salary with some cuts to our normal budget and give it a really good go and.
However we have just found out my girlfriend is pregnant with our 2nd child literally 2 days after I sent the contract off. Deep down we are happy as we wanted one more child....it is just the timing could not be worse!
Now she is pregnant she is starting to stress out about moving to an area she knows no one, has no support other than me and the fact that we do not know much about life in Aberdeen. She moved over to Ireland to me from the UK when she was pregnant with our 1st and struggled then with the move and has never really settled here even though my family gave her great support.
I am struggling to come up with a solution but really I feel I only have 3 options available;
1. Push Aberdeen and hope her and our son settle in over there, we get some support from visiting family and make new friends. Also hope the job goes well and I enjoy it........(I understand there is a lot of "hoping" going on for this option!)
2. Pull out of the Aberdeen job and get blacklisted from applying for the programme again, stay in Ireland continue working in a job that pays good but has no prospects and frustrates me. But stay where I know we'd get great support from my family. However she has told me she does not want to live in Ireland for any more than 1-2 years as she hates living here. This is a problem as well due to the fact that my family didn't want me to leave the business and it was very tricky process to leave on good terms with them the first time so going back to work there for a few years and tell them I am leaving again would be very difficult.
3. Move to England (midlands) where she is from so she is happy but my job prospects are practically zero. Also I am not sure if it is the best place to bring up our family.
I understand a lot of the replies are going to tell me I should talk to her about it and come to a decision but I have been doing that but she keeps changing her mind and is holding back because she thinks I will resent her in a while if we decide not to take this job. I keep telling her that I would never resent her and that the most important thing to me is the happiness of my family.
I would probably just wonder on the bad days at work if i stayed........what could have been.
Any advice and opinions would be welcome!!
Thanks
Hi, this is a big step for you all, but a positive one. i know what its like to start a new life in a new area when pregnant and to be fair its ok, I joined parent classes for pregnant mums, mums and tots in the area you are going to live, join the local swimming pool and go to the mums and tots sessions, your wife will soon make friends. Ive been to aberdeen and there a friendly lot.
You will both be on the same level as starting new, you may meet other young familys through your new job. Your new job is you and your familys future, its all about you your wife and 2 little ones. your wife is home sick for the midlands because she does not like it in ireland. it will be easier to get to the midlands an hour flight, . maybe you could say you will go to the midlands on a regular basis. My best friend moved to Ellon and loved it. i know it will be a struggle with money but jobs with futures do not come round that often
Hi there and welcome 🙂
Take the job, you sound as if its what you want/need to do... Job satisfaction and future prospects are two really good reasons!
See how things go once you're there, if your partner is having difficulty settling, then perhaps she could go and stay with her family nearer the birth time...as ak57 says, its not much of a commute and you should be entitled to some paternity leave.
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