[Solved] Resentment - does it ever go away?

Hi All - first time poster here,

My marriage is on the verge of collapse, I've already had to move out, and we are at a standoff about who needs to do what - she says that I have to do all the changing, while I'm concerned that her resentment over the past is and will continue to prevent any real progress.

BAckground: - MArried for 5 years, together for 10, two boys - only months after we got married, the housing market collapsed and because I'd built up huge debts (prior to getting together) and hadn't dealt with them beyond taking out a second mortgage to restructure them, we couldn't sell the house before the price plummeted, had to give it back to the mortgage company and BOTH go bankrupt. I began to suffer from depression (without realising) and my work suffered, to the point where I was sacked after a third warning ten days before Christmas, just days after I had been to the doctor about being signed off. Not thinking clearly, as you don't in those circumstances, I decided not to appeal and worse not to tell my wife for fear of ruining Christmas (unbelieveable isnt it?).
So, to cut a long story short, she has plenty of very good reasons to be very angry with me, and indeed divorce me.

BUT, she didn't divorce me, and has made a big thing about sticking by me for the kids, 'in the hope that I'll learn my lessons and change'. However, every day since has been one of tension and criticism. She talks of her having compromised already and that it is me that needs to make all the changes, but it now feels that it is an impossible task and one she almost appears to be trying to undermine at every step.

She criticises me for not having a job, yet more than once has told me on the morning of an interview "I don't know why you are bothering as nobody will give you a job"
We end up staying up til 1 or 2 in the morning every night with her lecturing me about how I'm not doing this or not doing that, then expects me to get up with the kids, yet staying in bed herself until 10 on non-school days, only to criticise one or more things that I have or havent done while looking after both boys.
She insults, mocks, belittles and digs at me continually, yet riles when I don't respond (as I've always been told not to to bullies), to the point where she will accuse me of this being 'emotional abuse' which either ends with her storming off to bed throwing more abuse at me, or physically attacking me, throwing me out or ringing the police (only twice so far, but that is enough).
When I did finally get a job, giving me a black eye the night before I started, so that it was sat there for all to see on my work ID card, with me having to explain that it was a bump of heads with our toddler; still staying up til the early hours with the lectures; throwing me out so that I had to sleep in a local farmhouse then go into work the next day, and even have to take a bag with all my stuff in to the office after being thrown out on another occasion;
Then, after all that, asking me how me losing the job 4 months after starting was anything to do with her!
She blames me for our financial position, yet mocks me when I say we need to live within what we are bringing in (having learnt from going down the borrowing route in the past), and making me go to my 80 year old parents for money every week, and accusing them of not caring for their grandchildren if they ever refuse the full amount requested.
She tells everyone her skewed side of the story (including her women's aid councellor), so that all her friends have this picture of me as this evil wife and child abusing sadist, then takes their shocked responses as some sort of vindication of her position, yet under no circumstance will even entertain any thought of my being allowed to offer any explanation (sorry, 'excuse', or is that 'lie') in my defence, taking most things I do get out as being some attempt to blame her for everything!
Inevitably her WA woman is lapping it all up, telling her it is all 'domestic abuse' and feeding her all kinds of stuff about what to say to solicitors, police or whoever to stop me seeing the kids or even getting me locked up.

She has told me that she 'despises' me, keeps suggesting I 'do the decent thing'/'put myself out of everyone's misery', threatens to commit suicide herself, criticises anything that I do that isn't exactly what she would have done, when she would have done it, and tells me how 'evil' I am and how I don't care or love my children because otherwise I wouldn't treat her 'as I do'! Yet, she still tells everyone how she is sticking by me, despite none of this being her fault, and how she is trying to give me every chance because of the children.
It is almost as if she is trying to keep me close at hand to use me as a free childminder and as an outlet for her to vent her anger and resentment, as the best way to punish me for what has happened before.

Now, I am no perfect husband, by any stretch and no, I don't feel able to 'cherish' her as perhaps I should (or should have done in the past) any more, but I DO love those kids and hate the thought of being away from them for any time (it's been 2 weeks and I'm staring at photos and missing them incredibly) but cannot see how to break this cycle to achieve any sort of way that we can stay together and give these two wonderful boys the parents and 'normal' family they deserve. Yet when I say this, she just tells me that it is all my fault and all up to me to sort out and that I have to 'grow up' and make all these changes!

I don't even hate her, believe it or not, I would love to see her happy, but just cannot see how I can do that for her anymore given where we are...except by making way for someone else to be the 'normal, loving, caring husband' that everyone else has!

So, I have left, and am staying with my parents a long way away (I didnt have anyone local I could stay with) but am now trying to work out what to do next. At what point do I say that's it, I cant' do this and move for a proper separation? And if I do, what on earth can I do about getting to see the boys when they are confused about what is going on and don't want to talk to me when I have rung up and have all her threats about what she is going to say to solicitors/courts about me?

In the back of my mind, I am resigned to a terminal outcome, and have been for some time, but have hung in there at the house trying to keep in contact with the boys for as long as I could, though finally I've had to go and fear what happens next.

So, has anyone else been in this position, and how did you address it - am I justified in considering walking away, or am I being a selfish @#@# that should be crawling back on my hands and knees ready to do anything she asks for ever more so that the boys have their 'normal' parents and 'normal' family they deserve?
Is there any realistic way back, or should I be making plans to move on on my own? And where should I be while trying to deal with all this - back at the house risking battle resuming and potentially raising the boys hopes before trashing them if I have to leave again; staying away with my parents (free board but a long way to travel to see anyone) or renting somewhere local (which I could only afford by submitting a separate benefit and housing claim, but perhaps the first base for moving forwards)?

Anyway, too long a posting already - any help, please reply
Thankyou