Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi all... this seems like a small problem compared to some of the tough situations i've read about here but it's genuinely troubling me...
My wife and i have a 1 year old daughter and we seem to be rowing a lot over the times when the tot wakes up crying (a lot) at night and the wife gets up to put tot back to sleep.
The problem is after about 5 or 10 mins of crying baby i can't manage to stay in bed and i have 2 options: wander about the house trying to keep my head together or go in and offer to help... which my wife really hates; she can't understand why i can't leave her to it and doesn't like me offering help as it distracts baby and she feels i'm sort of "checking on" her...
I need to find another option... drinking doubles every night or wandering the neighbourhood in the cold and dark doesn't seem a great one... we've talked about this but can't seem to find a better option than for me to stay in bed and leave her to it.
The hardest times are when my wife genuinely can't get the baby to sleep and i end up coming to help anyway when they are both at their wits' end.
I'm guessing i can't be the only one who's been through this...?
hi
If you look at the answers on the recent survery, it sounds like you might be the only one 😆
Is there any way you can work out a rota so that sometimes you get up, and sometimes it's your wife? In my opinion though, when your wife is looking after your baby daughter, you need to let her do it to the best of her ability, both so that you aren't undermining your wife, and also so that your daughter doesn't learn that she can play you off against each other to get what she wants when she's a bit older,
Hi M
Classic dilemma my friend. When my boys were that age I left my wife to get up as it was her preferred option. However we talked about what to do if she got to the point where she was at the end of her patience or to tired etc. She would come and get me and I would take over.
Can I ask why the child is crying. basic question but are they wet, teething, hungry, cold, scared? Was your child ever sleeping through the night? Did his/her sleep pattern change recently?
A question for you too, why can't you stay in bed? Is your head full of work stress or anything?
Hi mate
I had exactly the same problem when our little girl was about 1.5. She'd never slept a full night (and didnt til she was 3, she's just coming to 3.5 now! 😮 ) and it was really tough to lie there and listen to my wife try to console her when there was nothing wrong, ie , no cold, teething, wet nappy etc. Basically, she'd just learned that if she cried hard and long enough, she would get seen to. But in the end I realised I had to let my wife deal with it, if every time I got to go in and see her as well to "help" it was just making things worse and she was getting what she wanted.
In the end we made a deal, she gets up in the night, I get up in the morning and let the wife have a lie in.
Can you try reading a book or something when you cant sleep, or maybe going downstairs and sticking the telly on? More importantly though, talk to your wife about how you feel, she'll understand where you're coming from then and as they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.