[Solved] she's left - advice needed

First thing you need to try, I would say, is to see if your partner would be prepared to go to counceling (such as Relate) while it's still at an earlyt stage.

Hi thanks for your response
Unfortunately she wont go to see anyone. she is very much of the opinion that a stranger would not be able to help. I have tried to convince her otherwise but she will not listen.

Hi Nick

Firstly welcome to Dadtalk - I hope you will find it a helpful place to be. It sounds as if you are going through a tough time at the moment and I am sorry that your partner has said she no longer loves you and wants to split up. I can understand how devastated you must be feeling.

Joint counselling would be best, but if your partner won't agree to this, then it still may help you to go along for Relate counselling on your own. Opening up your heart to someone neutral, on the outside can really help.

It may be that given some space,your partner will decide she does want to try and get the relationship back on track, if only for your son's sake to start with.

I hope this is helpful.

thanks Mikey, I hope she does see sense

Hi Nick, thanks for sharing. Sounds really tough for you. Do you get on with the rest of her family? Sometimes asking in-laws to speak with spouses can help a lot.

I would encourage you to show her what a good and loving dad you are and that its a good thing for both of you to play a big role in your sons life, no matter what happens between you and your partner.

Just a few thoughts. Its been a little while since your last post. Has there been any update? I hope things improve!

Hey Nick,

I'm new to this forum but not to the issues that affect our lives!

I think that there are a few things you need to look at to perhaps make things better. You mention your arguments are about money and income. Without prying, is there perhaps a debt issue that you could be looking at getting resolved? Debt can be a real destroyer of relationships. Partners can have a certain expectation of what disposable income should be available each month. Have you tried budgeting more effectively? Also perhaps speak to a debt councillor.

Please be assured that you are not the only family who struggle month to month making ends meet. For us, it can be a real long slog from one pay-day to the next and we've had to make some real sacrifices in the last few years. I basically pay all my bills and divide the rest by 4 or 5 depending on whether its a 4 or 5 week month. Its tough but if you stick to it you'll be more prudent and probably think alot more about the gulf between what you "want" and what you "need".

A second job is always an option. Times are tough just now but if you swollow your pride and be prepared to take a cut in pay, there's always a job out there to boost the available funds.

There are other factors that may be affecting things, maybe your parter has depression...even post natal depression (even after 2 years). This could be affecting her ability to reason with you.

None of the above gets your partner back today or even tomorrow but demonstrating to her that you're long term goal is to solve the issues that have caused her to leave in the first place should help.